Cut up my spaghetti-o’s bitch!

YahooWe realize that this is a bit of a cheap shot, lobbed from afar, but as continued hints and passed-along reports of LeBron James’ terrible tipping habits keep getting shipped to us, we feel it our duty to pass along Peter Pattakos’ interview with a Cleveland-area steakhouse server, who revealed the knowledge that he or she was James’ favorite server mainly because he or she “didn’t put up with his crap.” “(S)he also told us that LeBron liked to drink apple martinis, which comes as no surprise because apple martinis are delicious, and if you had a job where you could take a four-hour nap every day to sleep off the sugar hangover, you would drink them, too. Relatedly, LeBron would ask his servers to have his steak (well done) already cut up for him, which corroborates a report by a (former?) server at Johnny’s who once told [fellow reporter Vince] Grzegorek that LeBron would order his spaghetti cut up as well, and also of course enhances the credibility of our source.”

Just when you think A rod has reclaimed the title of biggest douchebag in sports with him bringing his own food in a cooler to restaurants, LBJ comes back with a big right hook and orders his steak and spaghetti pre cut. Its like a heavyweight bout between these two assholes to see who is the biggest dickhead of all time. A rod won rounds 1 and 2 by having weird blue lips and having sex with Madonna. Lebron followed up in rounds 3 and 4 with wearing his own “LBJ MVP” shirts and saying his life goal was to become a Global Icon. Round 5 went to Arod in a landslide when he had a centaur painting hung over his bed and got caught doing steroids.  But Lebron retaliated strong with fucking his hometown in the ass with The Decision and promising to win 8 NBA titles before he ever played a game in Miami. Now we’re in the late rounds and they’re both just acting like 5 year old assholes in restaurants and hoping the judges declare them the heavyweight douchebag of the world.

I mean I won’t even start with ordering the steak well done. That’s Mo’s Ask A Black Blogger territory. But if you’re asking for your steak and spaghetti to be pre-cut, you have to be intentionally trying to make sure everyone you come in contact with hate you, right? I mean thats the only explanation. Its like well, I’m only at this restaurant for 2 hours and I gotta make sure I walk out of here with these guys thinking I’m a douchebag. Oh I know I’ll ask him to cut up my noodles and then I won’t tip him. Mission accomplished. Somebody call Arod, tell him I just one upped his BYOF move!