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Huff PoMum’s the word for a 3-year-old girl who, thanks to a diet of cream cheese, gained the ability to speak despite a disease that left her mute from birth. Fields Taylor, from Melton Mowbray in Leicestershire, was born with the incurable genetic disease Glut 1 Deficiency that caused a lack of glucose to flow to her brain. Today, Taylor’s diet of four containers of the cream cheese per week gives her a voice. The unique high-fat Ketogenic diet helps her body use fat as an energy source rather than glucose, according to the New York Daily News. “The amount of Philadelphia she goes through is mad but worth it. It really has been our saving grace. She loves the stuff and piles it on crackers,” The Mirror quoted her mother Stevie as saying. “The first time I heard Fields say ‘Mum’ it was just wonderful.”

You know how much of a fat ass I am? I dream of scenarios like this. Do you know how awesome it would be to be a mute who can only be cured by consuming delicious Philadelphia cream cheese? That is an absolute dream come true. I would have fuckin cream cheese running through my veins. I would cum cream cheese out of my dick. Doctor’s could be like “OK Kevin you really only need to have one serving of cream cheese a day” and I’d be like nope, can’t risk it doc. Cream cheese morning noon and night. That shit is delicious and its the only reason I can talk. I’d no longer be mute but I probably wouldn’t be able to talk because there’d constantly be bagels and shit in my mouth.

And I know you say, KFC you can just eat as much cream cheese as you want now. Whats stopping you? But its that built in excuse. The best thing in the world is having an excuse to be lazy or an excuse to eat or do whatever you want. If you have a reason, that makes all the difference. Its like that movie that came out a few years ago with Jason Statham where if his heart rate drops to a certain level he dies. So he just spends his life doing drugs and fucking chicks and rage because he has to in order to survive. Sure you can just be a junkie sex addict but if you have to be one, its a different ball game. If I could just contract some awful disease that could only be cured by donuts I’d be 1000 times happier than if I was just a normal healthy person.