News.AU -KIDS will be banned from blowing out candles on communal birthday cakes, under strict new hygiene rules for childcare. But doctors warn the latest National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines go too far in “bubble-wrapping” children. The NHMRC is urging childcare centres to stand up to parents who insist on sending a sick child to daycare – even if they have a medical certificate. And daycare staff will now have to wash toys, doorknobs, floors and cushion covers every day. The new guidelines state that kids who want to blow out a candle on their birthday should bring their very own cupcake – to avoid blowing germs all over a shared cake. “Children love to blow out their candles while their friends are singing ‘Happy birthday’,” the document says. “To prevent the spread of germs when the child blows out the candles, parents should either provide a separate cupcake, with a candle if they wish, for the birthday child and (either) enough cupcakes for all the other children … (or) a large cake that can be cut and shared.”

It looks like Pussification has spanned the globe and reached Australia. Even the fucking mighty Outback has caved in to the pressures and demands of lame doctors and pussy parents. When I was a kid I’m pretty sure everyone basically blew their nose directly into their birthday cake. I think I intentionally snot rocketed each and every candle flame like a sniper picking off his targets. And all my friends ate it because when you’re a kid you’d eat birthday cake covered in shit if it was put in front of you, and guess what? We’re all alive. Because germs are the key to life. The building blocks of strength. You wanna ban kids from giving high fives and ban shared cakes don’t be surprised when we have a world of selfish weakling susceptible to the most basic viruses in the world. Everyone has their own cupcake and nobody has dirty hands but guess what? The entire human race is fucking dead because we raised a generation of snowflakes with no immune system.

PS – I always rocked out with brownies for my birthday, not birthday cakes. The rest of the world was eating those ice cream cakes with that gross black gravel all over the place meanwhile I had a delicious tray of warm, slightly undercooked brownies from Mama KFC. I covered those things with my snot and ate like half the tray by myself. Fuck the rest of you. Its my birthday.