NYDN - It’s legal. It’s as easy to buy as aspirin. And a teenager you know has probably tried it. It’s “synthetic pot,” sold in corner stores as herbal incense or potpourri, and doctors and politicians say it’s becoming a dangerous scourge in the city.  Dozens of people looking for a quick high are winding up in emergency rooms with alarming symptoms ranging from hallucinations and seizures to panic attacks and violent behavior. The problem is growing so fast that a major medical journal issued a warning last week about about the substance, often referred to as K2 or Spice. And Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) is pushing for a nationwide ban that would make it illegal to hawk the condom-sized packets, which sell for $15 to $75 at stores and online. “People have the mind-set that this is ‘just pot,’ but it’s not,” said Dr. Lewis Nelson, a medical toxicologist at NYU Langone and Bellevue hospitals and director of training at the city’s poison control center. “Synthetic marijuana is really a misnomer. It’s really quite different, and the effects are much more unpredictable. “It’s dangerous, and there is no quality control in what you are getting. The federal Drug Enforcement Administration has moved to declare five of the compounds controlled substances, but the formulas can just be chemically tweaked to skirt narrowly written bans. The packets come with names like Aroma and Killer Buzz and are labeled “not for human consumption,” but you’d be hard-pressed to find someone buying them for sachets of sweet-smelling incense.

Fuckin kids these days. With their salvia and their bath salts and their molly and their K2 Spice Aroma. I can’t even keep up anymore. I don’t even know how you do most of these drugs. Are you smoking? Snorting? Huffing it out of tube socks? When I was a teenager the only decision I was to which way I was gonna get my kicks was “bottle or cans?” The crazy choice was “Steel Reserve or Colt 45?” Nowadays you know whats a crazy time for me? When I go out on a limb and get a bottle of malbec instead of fucking pinot noir. Oh my god I did another shot of Stoli O! What a fuckin maniac I am! Meanwhile teenagers are hitting up the corner store and buying legal aromatic incense and smokin that shit like it ain’t no thang. They just pluck them off the rack right next to all those sexual stimulant pills and Stacker 2 Fat Burners and condoms. In one corner of a bodega you can pick up everything you need to straight up fuckin party.

PS – I wouldn’t mind trying this Killer Buzz. That sounds like a pretty decent time.