The Mirror – Model husbands who cook, clean and generally help around the house may be missing out in bed, according to researchers. Married men are likely to have less sex if they do a lot of housework, a study found. But they could improve their sex lives by easing off the washing-up and chopping wood instead. “Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently,” said study leader Dr Sabino Kornrich, from the Juan March Institute in Madrid, Spain. “Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks – such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance – report higher sexual frequency.” The results suggest that adopting traditional gender roles is important to sexual desire and performance, said Dr Kornrich. Data from the US National Survey of Families and Households was used in the study, published in the American Sociological Review. During the month prior to the survey, men claimed to have sex an average of 5.2 times and women 5.6 times. But couples in which women did most of the cooking, cleaning and shopping had sex more often.

If I’m reading this correctly, and I think I am, I gotta chop wood, do yard work, and fix the car in order to get laid? Uh, thanks but no thanks. I would absolutely rather be the guy who watches movies on TNT and TBS all Saturday afternoon who ends up jerking off before bed than be the fucking lumberjack who spent his day chopping wood so he can get laid at night. I mean, fuck – if I better get sex if I do that shit. Don’t give me the “I have a headache” or “I’m tired” – I chopped down a fucking tree for you today!

There is virtually a zero percent chance I do any of that stuff when I’m older. I could be living right at the poverty line and I’d still scrounge up enough money to come pay a Mexican to do that stuff for me. I don’t know if that qualifies as me doing the “masculine tasks” or if it means my wife will just end up fucking Aurelio the gardener, but there ain’t no chance I’m gonna play Bob Vila for the rest of my life just so I can get my rocks off.