Puck DaddyIf a new CBA isn’t signed by September 15, well, hockey fan, it might be time to rub your eyes and go outside. Said Bettman, “We reiterated to the union that the owners will not play another year under the current agreement,” he told a scrum of reporters in New York after the latest talks.  “I re-confirmed something that the union has been told multiple times over the last nine to 12 months. Namely, that the time is getting short and the owners are not prepared to operate under this collective bargaining agreement for another season so we need to get to making a deal and doing it soon.”  The man has a point. After all, it’s been nearly a month since their initial proposal, and according to reports, the NHLPA’s first counter-proposal still won’t be submitted on Tuesday.  The comments likely won’t be well-received. “Let me just put it this way,” Donald Fehr told Jesse Spector of Sporting News, “There’s a meaningful gulf there. I’ll just leave it at that for now.”

As hard as I get for hockey talk, nothing flexes my Synergy shaft back into flaccid mode like labor talks.  The rich-as-shit owners don’t want to pay players anymore than they already do, the rich-as-shit players pretend they actually have the power to prevail over said rich-as-shit owners, and the fucked-over-fans find themselves reading about revenue sharing when they should be getting pumped for preseason puck.  Despite all the strides our sport has taken since 2005, despite all the record attendance numbers and increased exposure and talk of how far the league has come, we’re literally on the brink of a third lockout in less than 20 years.  Gary Bettman (pictured above attending this year’s NHL Awards Show) is going for the unprecedented work-stoppage hat trick and it’s beyond pathetic that this smug-as-fuck, shit-eating, little twat is still commissioner.

I can’t say from personal experience, but I imagine this is how dudes must feel when they get some random girl pregnant and she decides to keep it against society’s better judgement.  Just straight powerless as some cunts ruin their lives because they couldn’t accept a little short-term sacrifice.  A lockout, much like a baby born out of wedlock, is most certainly not in everyone’s best interest so spare me the lip service about how it’s the owner’s/dumb chick’s right to do with their money/body what they want.  Abort that shit!  Abort immediately!  You think the fans will stick around through the endless months of petty squabbling and infantile crying?  To steal a phrase from KFC, for sure not.  Casual hockey fans are going to disappear like deadbeat dads faced with mounting child support.  Especially after the Olympics, which is basically a buffet of new sports for disenfranchised puckheads to sample as we search for replacement passions.  Screw the NHL and their dumb-as-fuck work-stoppage, I’m a water polo fan now.

PS – A completely lost season of hockey might kill me, but a shortened one sounds like exactly what the Rangers need to win a cup.  Too tired in June thanks to Tortorella’s tactics?  Don’t adjust the game plan, just cut the season in half and they’ll be fresh as a rapper come playoff time.  Genius, really…