Belly Bug from Beer Can

Huff Po – This is not the beer gut this man thought he would get. Australian fisherman John Macdonald, 60, developed a mysterious condition that has left a large growth on his stomach in May. According to a report by the Sunshine Coast Daily, Macdonald was sipping on a beeron the Brisbane River when he dropped the can into the water. He retrieved it and continued drinking. Only a few short hours later, Macdonald told the paper, he became violently ill. A little over a week later, Macdonald said he couldn’t eat or drink. He was rushed to a hospital where numerous surgeries were performed to eradicate the large mass protruding from his stomach. When he awoke after his third operation, surgeons deemed it a success. However, he was left with an even larger stomach bulge, The Daily Mail reported Monday. On May 8, Macdonald underwent another surgery to remove the large lump, only to have it return again a short time later. Doctors told the man that he would not be able to have another surgery for another 12 months. ”Clearly the Brisbane River is far more polluted than people think — it was a split second decision on my part — a stupid one – and I have to live with this for the rest of my life,” he said. Now, Macdonald is hoping to find a doctor who can cure him of his affliction for good, according to Metro News. ”I’m a good bloke and I want to be around for my kids and my little grandchild so if there’s a bloody good doc out there that can help, then give me a holler.”

Nobody likes wasting beer. No worse feeling than cleaning up after a house party and finding wounded soldiers all over the place. Wasting the nectar of the Gods is a sin, we all know that.

But just know that next time you drop your beer in a dirty river, you are absolutely allowed to grab a new one. Cut your losses, forget that can. Its ok to grab a fresh one. Other wise you end up with a gargantuan testicle growing on your belly. Isn’t that exactly what it looks like? Just a giant nut growing on your gut. As a man I respect your for trying to salvage that beer but as a human I don’t want to be within 20 feet of you and that alien growth on your stomach.

So the lesson here is – unless you don’t mind a big old ball sack growing on top of your beer belly, no drinking dirty river water.