Telegraph – Liverpool gave us the Scouse Brow; Essex, the vajazzle. Now comes nipple tattooing, otherwise known as ‘tittooing’, the latest beauty craze for women. Radhika Sanghani reports from the front line. It started with brow definition. Nipple tattooing, or ‘tittooing’ as it is nicknamed, is a process which originated as a medical procedure for breast reconstruction. Now, it serves as a cosmetic procedure for women to darken, enlarge and define their nipples and the surrounding areola. The semi-permanent treatment gives them their ‘perfect nipples’ and can last a life-time with regular top-ups. She explains: “A lot of people want their nipples made darker. It’s the fashion. Some people think theirs are too pink or their boyfriends want them done. I think sometime they are doing it because they are conscious of them being pale and they think it’s fashionable to have dark nipples. They’ll look at the magazines and page 3 and unfortunately a lot of it might be peer pressure. ”It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I know my boobs aren’t on show but it has still given me so much more confidence. My new nipples are better than any natural ones I could have had. When I go swimming now I’m not self-conscious about my nipples showing through my bikini. With my partner I didn’t want to take my bra off before but now that’s gone, so our relationship is better. I feel more out-going and more content in my body.”

Get it, girls! A perfect pair of tits can be completely ruined by bad nipples. Nipples are what makes it the full package. If you’ve got a great set of perky C-cup tits thats like pitching 8 innings of shut out ball. But a bad pair of nipples is like the blown save. Your 0 ER, 2 hits, 10K’s goes completely out the window if you don’t get the W. Thats what bad nipples are. A wasted outing for your tits.

Now I’m a little perturbed by the thought of these chicks enlarging and darkening their nipples. I don’t need some coal black dinner plates. Every time I see those when I stumble on some Ebony videos I’m always pretty turned off. But the thought of invisi-nips or a big pair of tits with tiny dime sized nipples ain’t too appealing either. If I had to pick, I’d choose smaller nipples over coffee table coasters. I don’t want my tits dominated by areola. But here’s the beauty with tittooing – you don’t need to choose anymore. You can’t shrink big ones but you can draw up some new ones if your nipples are too small or too light. Just break out some Crayola Peach or Melon and draw up some nips. If you want em darker you go with Copper or Antique Brass or maybe even good old fashioned Brown. Draw up some quarter size nipples or maybe some JFK half dollars. As big and as dark as you and your tittoo artist desire. Only in America! Gotta love it.

Maybe I’ll get my dick tattooed so that its all one color.