thanksgiving

NEW YORK — You’ll need to be 21 to take a bite out of this Thanksgiving turkey. New York City tavern owner Paul Hurley said he’ll unveil what he is calling the nation’s first 100-proof turkey on Monday. A spokesman for the owner of O’Casey’s Tavern in Midtown Manhattan said that the bird is infused with fruit-flavored and 100-proof Georgi vodka for three days before being cooked. The flavors of vodka include peach, raspberry, cherry and apple.  The gravy is also laced with the distilled liquor.  Out of concern for the danger of drinking-and-driving, the tavern is offering free taxi ride home to anyone who orders the turkey.  It wasn’t immediately clear how much it will cost to have some of the boozy bird.

Brilliant! What an awesome idea.  As if Thanksgiving wasn’t impossible enough to get through.  Now I got to worry about getting through an entire weekend of family time 24/7 fucked up and blacked out on turkey.   Just a recipe for disaster.  Definitely going to end up with me telling Grandma to go fuck herself again.  “You’re doing what?  Who’s a blog?  You make how much?  You know your cousin Danny is a financial analyst!” Rather walk down the street and take a bottle of Georgi to the face on my own time than have my miserable life put on display in front of the entire family.