ReutersThai couples locked lips in an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the longest continuous kiss ahead of Valentine’s Day in Pattaya, Thailand, on Tuesday. Nine Thai married couples, including including a gay couple, took part in the contest. The winners will take home 100,000 baht ($3,363.08) in cash and a diamond ring worth 200,000 baht ($6,726.24). The current world record for the longest kiss is 50 hours, 25 minutes, one second and was accomplished by Nonthawat Charoenkaesornsin and Thanakorn Sitthiamthong in Thailand in 2012.

Well I can’t think of anything worse than kissing someone for 50 straight hours. I wouldn’t kiss someone for 50 hours for $300,000, let alone $3,000. Especially if that “someone” is my old ass Asian wife. Kissing is hands down the most bizarre custom humans do. Right up there with rubbing ashes on our foreheads except every religion does it and we do it all year long. I wanna know who was the first asshole way back when in Neanderthal days who was trying to get a chick back to his cave to fuck and he was like “Let me just put my tongue inside your mouth.” I bet it was some precursor to banging – like she was reluctant to let him put his dick in her pussy, so he started with baby steps and asked to put his tongue in her mouth first. Well way to go dickhead. You established a worldwide standard of having to slobber all over another human’s piehole. There’s no physical satisfaction. No clear cut “finish.” Its an incredibly awkward activity thats really just a waste of time. I mean unless you’re attaching a Guinness Record and a month’s worth of rent to it, there is absolutely no tangible value to making out.

And the worst part of it all is that its just a way for chicks to “hook up” but not fuck. Like think about it – if there was no kissing, in order to hook up, you’d have to cut right to something at least moderately sexual. At the very least squeezing some T’s. More likely is that fingering would become the new make out. If kissing didn’t exist you could probably finger a girl at the bar and nobody would even bat an eyelash. But no. We push our lips together and lick each others teeth so it provides a perfect roadblock for chicks to hook up with you but put a stop order on anything after that. Fucking kissing. Awful tradition.

PS – My money is on that old Thai couple winning. Chances are their dry cleaning laundromat or their Chinese food restaurant is gonna go belly up over the next 50 hours while they try to break the record so they’ve got something to play for. Its 100,000 baht or bust for those old birds.