Business Insider – HBO’s “Real Sports” is doing a full feature on the beautiful, talented Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones tonight, and it looks pretty intriguing. They released a 90-second teaser this morning. Here’s what Jones says about keeping her virginity (via Gawker): “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics. Harder than graduating college.” She told HBO that various guys have tried to pressure her by saying sex will make her run faster, but to no avail. Sex and Olympic training seem to be going hand in hand this year. Usain Bolt, the fastest human ever, recently broke up with his girlfriend to focus on his training. At age 29, Jones has been on the fringes of stardom for awhile. She posed nude for ESPN’s Body Issue in 2009 (a decision she ultimately kinda-sorta regretted). In the 2008 Olympics, she was favored in the 100m hurdles but tripped and finished 7th. Female Tebow? Female Tebow. The full feature will air tonight at 10 p.m. on HBO.
You see, its ironic. Because me losing my virginity was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Thats my Olympics. Thats my Gold Medal. When I was 16 I guarantee you I had a better shot of setting the world record in the 100M hurdles than I did of putting my penis inside a girl. After I finally got my rocks off I stood up on a pedestal draped in the American flag and I played the National Anthem. I shed a single solitary tear that slowly trickled down my cheek to commemorate my bombs bursting for the first time. Only I don’t wait 4 years in between to compete for sex again. Not willingly, at least. I go out there every single day and compete like I’m a virgin. Treat every nut like its my last. Is there pressure? Yea. Is it hard going out there and trying to be the best daily virginity loser in the country? In the world? Of course.
But I do it for the glory. I do it for my fellow countrymen out there trying their hardest to lose their virginity. And I do it for my dick and balls.
But I commend Lolo Jones. She chooses to run and jump will avoiding sex at all costs while I choose to try to have as much sex as I can while avoiding running and jumping at all costs. We all have our own quest. We all have our Olympic battle.
PS – Telling a virgin Olympic hurdler she’ll run faster if she fucks is one of the best attempts to get in a chick’s pants of all time. And I’ll tell you what, it might not be wrong. I do literally everything better after I bust a nut. I wonder if she would have sex it was proven that she’d shed like 0.10 seconds from her time if she fucked. Whats more important to you, babe?