Dildos in 30 minutes or less or that shit is free!

Gothamist – The Babeland outpost in Park Slope is offering up a new service for Brooklynites who don’t want to get out of bed: they’ll deliver sex toys to your door, and by bike! According to the Brooklyn Paper (who just happened to find out about it?), the service costs a whopping 30 bucks, but it’s free on Valentine’s Day. So how many people are having dildos delivered to them in bed? Pamela Doan at Babeland tells us, “Per day, it isn’t a big figure… but it’s safe to say we do dozens every year. Part of the fun of shopping for sex toys is coming into the store and playing with all the nice gadgets, getting a sense of how they work and letting your imagination get carried away.” But for those who are using the service, Doan tells us the most delivered item is the Hitachi Magic Wand, “which is probably the most recognizable and familiar vibrator since it’s been around for a million years. Lube is frequently requested along with an order, but not usually ordered by itself.” Most deliveries are made to hotel rooms, according to their records. And if you want to try it out yourself, don’t be shy, the items come in a discreet box.

First Hype Lounge offering delivery for the Super Bowl, now Babeland! Glorious day. Buffalo wings and Astroglide – what else do you need in this world?

Its a genius plan when you think about it. Because lets be honest – if you are involved in some sort of situation where you’ve already committed to calling a sex shop to see if they deliver, are you really in any position to balk at the delivery cost? For sure not. Like if you’ve already looked up the number, picked out the dildo you want, and called the place – something tells me you’re involved in a scenario where you aren’t thinking with your head or your wallet. I’ll tell you right now if I’m in bed with my girl and she’s telling me all the things she wants to do with a certain vibrator or toy or something that requires lube, I would pay literally any amount of money to make that happen. In the heat of the moment I’d jump on the phone and fill up a virtual shopping cart like I’m ordering Chinese food. Yea I’d like the Rabbit. The Dolphin. The fleshlight A small butt plug. Extra small cock ring. 2 blindfolds. 1 whip. You got any swings? Yea? One of those. And a large order of lube. Whats that? $6,000? Sure here’s my credit card.

And just like when I order too much food, by the time the delivery arrived I wouldn’t even want it. I’d probably be finished and snoozing while my unsatisfied girlfriend has to tip the delivery man. Leftovers for tomorrow.