Daily MailPurple is the most amorous color, according to a new study which found that people who decorate their bedrooms in the color have the most active sex lives. The survey of 2,000 British adults by retailer Littlewoods found that those with purple bedding or furniture had 3.49 “intimate encounters” per week. The least active color scheme in the survey was grey, averaging 1.8. ’For years I have been telling British homeowners, a beige bedroom makes for a beige sex life,” Littlewoods Homes Style Expert Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen told the Daily Mail. ‘That’s one thing I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone.’ The survey also found that those with silk sheets were the most sexually active, averaging 4.25 intimate encounters per week. A 2011 survey of 26 countries found the U.S. and U.K. to be near the bottom in terms of both frequency of sexual activity and reported satisfaction with sexual activity. Greece, Brazil and Russia topped the survey, with Japan far behind the pack in both categories. And while purple was on top of the Littlewoods survey, it was by no means the only color to rise above Britain’s national average for sexual activity. Bedrooms decorated in red (3.18) sky blue (3.14) pink (3.02) and black (2.99) were also above average. Joining grey near the bottom of the list are green (1.89) and beige (1.97).

I love these sort of studies. Classic chicken or the egg sorta thing. You think you fuck because you got a purple bed? Or you think you got a purple bed because you’re the weird kind of swinger cocksman that bitches wanna fuck? No chance you go out and buy purple silk sheets if you’re not already getting laid. Once you’re fucking like 5 times a week on your bed, you realize you need a bedspread that looks and feels legit. But then again, if you go out and buy silk sheets beforehand, chances are you’re a pretty dedicated and confident dude. Thats a cocky, cocky move. Its almost like when you buy the economy size 36 pack of condoms. It gives you a goal to achieve. Gotta use a couple of these things a week if you wanna use them before they expire. Its like buying new sneakers and work out gear to get you motivated to go work out. You wanna wear your new shoes and use your new shit. Same shit with silk sheets. If you got some plain ass beige sheets, you ain’t motivated to show bitches your bed. Get some silky smooth purple blankets and you got a carrot dangling in front of your face to show them off.

Who knows for certain. What comes first, the pussy or the purple? All I know is that Hank and Marie Schrader must be getting their fuck on every single night and twice on Sunday. That bitch loves purple.