CORAPOLIS, Pa. -- People plying the world’s oldest profession near Pittsburgh International Airport are increasingly being compensated with a modern form of currency: gift cards. Moon Township police Chief Leo McCarthy tells the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that more prostitutes are being arrested with gift cards in their possession, instead of large amounts of cash. “You automatically believe cash is an ill-gotten gain,” McCarthy said. “But if you see a couple of gift cards, you might not think twice. It’s just another game people play.” The prostitutes are using the gift cards to try to avoid having their illegal wages seized when they’re arrested. The Justice Department issued a warning years ago that gift cards are an ideal device to launder money with little chance of discovery or seizure by police, the newspaper said. “It’s becoming more difficult to find cash on them,” North Fayette Township police Chief Jeffrey Falconer said. Findlay Township police Chief Jesse Lesko said his officers are still finding cash on prostitutes, but expects that could change soon because prostitution suspects “don’t like to give up the $5,000 or $6,000 they’ve earned over a weekend.”

First of all, in order for me to have sex with a Pittsburgh hooker she’d need to be the one ponying up a gift card for me. And none of that iTunes bullshit. Nobody pays for music you cheap whore. Get me like a Shake Shack gift certificate or some coupons to my local liquor store and maybe I’ll fuck you.

But in the grand scheme of things this gift card movement in the whore biz is great. You know how many like half full gift cards I’ve got lying around? In the back or drawers and behind my desk and stuff. What else are you gonna do with a gift card to Borders that your grandma gave you on Easter with like a $7 dollar balance on it? Hey Hooker you can get a Choose Your Own Adventure paperback with this shit, how about a quick HJ? Alright prostitute, you drive a tough bargain, here’s a Starbucks voucher for one free caramel macchiatos but you’re gonna have to use both hands.

Its the good old barter system. These street walkers get to purchase random dollar amounts of random goods all under the radar and all the Johns basically get their rocks off without really paying. Spending gift cards is like free money. Or in this case free blow jobs.