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Marketplace -  Prince William will be the first member of the British Royal Family to take official paternity leave. He’ll get two weeks paid — which is better than we get over here here. The Prince of England will receive $206 for his time off. 

What in the fuck is Prince William taking vacation from? 2 week break from playing polo with his mates? 2 weeks off from doing blow off of strippers asses with Harry? Does this just mean he doesn’t have to dress up in that stupid red uniform for a little while?

Fuck Prince William and his fake ass life. And his fake ass baby. You see Kate Middleton walking around 9 months pregnant weighing like 110 pounds? You expect me to believe there was another human inside of her? This was like the most pregnant she’s ever looked:

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I’m fucking fatter than Kate Middleton ever was. Wouldn’t be surprised if the whole thing is just one biggest British ruse. Fake babies and fake vacations from fake jobs. Thats what royalty is all about.

Unless of course this is all something greater. A plan from God in heaven above. Giving us an Angel of Light, a Cherub of Purity. Sent from above to counteract the Spawn of Satan, North West. These 2 will grow up, inexorably connected. One good, one dark. Until one day they clash in a batter of good and evil with the human race’s fate in the balance.

PS – How about that $5,300/year salary for William?