Smoking GunA Kentucky principal last month screened school surveillance footage showing two teenagers having sex in the lunchroom and provided lurid play-by-play commentary as fellow educators watched the video in his office. In the wake of a probe of his bizarre behavior, Dave Wilson retired last week as head of Louisville Male High School. According to the below redacted witness reports released by Jefferson County Public Schools officials, on September 3 Wilson summoned several co-workers to his office. They arrived to find a darkened room with five chairs pointed toward a large white screen. Using a projector connected to his laptop, Wilson, pictured at right, screened a ten-minute video showing the teens having sex the prior afternoon. “Hey, baby, why don’t you come over here and grab my pencil,” and “It won’t take me long, I am like the minute man,” were two of Wilson’s comments as the video played, according to witnesses. While the pantsless girl, an 11th grade student, sat in the boy’s lap, Wilson slowed the video down and remarked that the group could watch it in slow motion or he could speed the clip up and “make him go even faster.”

You can tell this principal knew this was the one – this was his Silver Donut.  Like after years of of handing out detentions for kids skipping class and running in the hallways and all the other pussy shit Principals have to worry about, this guy caught a couple kids fucking on camera and he capitalized.  It was like he finally got to use all the skills he gained at Principal School.

So what did he do?  Set up a private screening with stadium seating, whipped out a projection screen and called play by play for this cafeteria porno like he was Al fuckin Michaels.  BAM his whole principal career is vindicated.  And then he just rides off into the sunset, retiring at the top of his game like John Elway, knowing there will never be another moment like this in his school district.