The Smoking Gun - A corrections officer has been charged with providing a 22-year-old female inmate with homemade chocolate chip cookies in exchange for sexual contact. According to a probable cause affidavit, Abner Canda–a 58-year-old guard at the county jail in Everett, Washington–engaged in several sexual interations with the inmate, who is only identified by the initials “C.D.” The woman told investigators that, “I showed him my breasts, willingly for some food” last May. After being released from the jail, she returned to the lockup in October and soon had another illicit encounter with the married Canda, who began working as a corrections officer in 2007. Canda, the inmate said, came to her room in mid-November and “kissed me and touched my breasts and also put his hand down my pants and placed his finger inside of [my vagina],” according to the Superior Court affidavit. On a subsequent occasion, Canda performed oral sex on “C.D.” The inmate told police that, “in exchange for the aforementioned sexual favors, Defendant gave her homemade chocolate chip cookies.” “C.D.” said that she decided to tell investigators about her encounters with Canda because she felt “guilty for doing what I did,” adding that, “I’m ashamed for my actions that’s why I’m saying something.” In light of “C.D.”’s claims, detectives spoke with other female inmates, “at least two of whom suggested that they…had sexual contact” with Canda. One of the women “even claimed that she had been, in her words, ‘dating’ Defendant while an inmate.”

Hold the fucking phone here. The prison guard brought her cookies and then he went down on her? Those were the sexual favors exchanged? What a fucking racket “C.D.” had going huh? Homemade cookies and some guy eating your pussy. That ain’t prison thats paradise. If I could get some chick to bring me Entennman’s and suck my dick I’d go to prison right fucking now. You know how many chicks would kill to get fingered while in prison? How many would die for a Chips Ahoy cookie? Well C.D. was getting both on the regular for absolutely nothing.

Fucking Abner bro. Have some self respect. Some standards. Baking cookies and eating box all day like some pussy whipped idiot. You gotta at least work a hand job out of that.