Wrapping up the division last night means a whole lot more than a bunch of sobbing female YES network interns taking the walk of shame to Walgreens this morning for Plan B. The Yankees can now sit back and enjoy watching the Rangers and the Orioles beat the shit out of each other in a one game wild card round that will determine which team goes to the big boy playoffs. As much as my head is telling me that Texas has the more potent lineup and they’ve ousted the Yankees from the playoffs only two years ago, I still think I’d rather see them than the Orioles. Here’s why:

Pitching

Texas pitching doesn’t scare me as much as the Orioles’ staff. The rotation has some bigger names, but we all know that means shit when it comes to the Yankees. We’ve seen it a million times before: any 32 year old quadruple A pitcher with a decent hook has a shot at shutting down the Yankees on any given night. Orioles have a couple guys with whom the Yankees are unfamiliar and that does not bode well for the team. A series with the Rangers would be more offensive, and the way this lineup is rolling right now, and Cano being on another fucking planet lately, I’ll take my shots winning by out-slugging.

Buck Showalter 

I know he did some great things for the Yankees, but I fucking hate Buck Showalter. And I’m not too proud to admit that it’s 100% because I fear him. Since day 1 as Orioles manager, he has been on a personal crusade to take down the big money teams like the Yankees. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s somehow managed to rally that team that in seasons past, was basically a tune up series for the Yankees a couple times a year into a serious contender. The team responds to Buck and Buck wants nothing more than to kill the Yankees. Buck is a mad man on a mission with nothing to lose.

“That Team”

Every year there’s “that team.” That team that no one believes in, yet they still manage to move forward. Every month of the regular season is the month they finally “come back down to earth,” yet they still manage to pull it out. The Orioles, along with the A’s, are that team this year.¬†It’s a group of guys who, for the most part, have never been here before. That’s one of the scariest types of teams you can run into in the playoffs because they have no idea how big the stage actually is. Just some aloof Robert Andino motherfuckers running around the clubhouse playing sneaky nuts, having a good time. Terrifying.

So my hope is that the Rangers knock the O’s out this Friday and end their precious little field trip pretty damn quick. However, while the O’s do scare me a bit more, it would be nice to see the Yankees celebrating a series win while Buck sits in the dugout watching and complaining about Jeter’s stance or some stupid shit like that. Fuck Buck.

Vote 1 for I’d rather face the O’s in the ALDS OR 10 for the Rangers

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