Chaos in the Bronx tonight. Coney throwing out racist slurs about Ichiro swinging with chopsticks, Cervelli wiping away the tears from a season of neglect and rounding third to score the winning run, birds flying all over the field, Padilla that greasy fucking slug leaving a trail of scum from the bullpen and coming up one batter short of facing Tex, who happened to be a focal point of conversation on his own. So many story lines, but none bigger than Raul Ibanez playing X factor once again. I’ve called it all year; Raul Ibanez is going to be a difference maker in the playoffs and that creepy fuck is getting a head start. I don’t care if he looks like a giant skin tag; the man can flat out hit in the clutch. The only thing that woulda made this night better is if Ivan Nova who was warming up in the bullpen came in and pitched lights out in a big spot. Then all my predictions from earlier this year would have been spot on and I woulda filmed a POV of KFC and all the other Nova haters taking turns on my cock. 7:07 tomorrow, win and we’re in. No play-ins, no wild card bullshit… that’s for the birds. See what I did there? Fuck the Red Sox. Yankees win the division tomorrow night.

P.S.- Need to be at tomorrow’s game. @StoolPizzaBoy … sell me your tickets right now. Don’t be gay. Do it.