KFC:

Back in college, I was seeing this chick who had probably the most incredible body I’d ever gotten close to. Huge tits and ass, kind of a butterface, but whatever. The issue was she wouldn’t give it up until we were officially dating — not something I wanted as a college junior. Her solution was handjobs — I could have as many of those as I wanted in the meantime, but nothing more. These weren’t just any handjobs, but the best handjobs I’ve ever had, and I’m 27 now.

But back when I was 20 years old and only wanted to bang her, this was a test of my will.  I would rather get wrecked and test the 4am bar waters for random hookups than watch stupid movies w/ some broad on a Saturday night just to bang her. I didn’t make it very long before going home w/ a diff girl and losing my chance.  But I will always remember what could have been with the Handjob Queen of Marist.

To this day, my friends and I reminisce on this and aks ourselves: What’s better… the world’s best handjob, or the world’s worst blowjob?  It’s sort of like “Can Kentucky beat the Charlotte Bobcats?” In my mind, the BJ always wins no matter how bad… but when you’re dealing w/ a girl who walks around with a purse full of lotion, it might be a different story.

We need you to weigh in on this important topic, as it’s on everyone’s mind.

Heinz

Absolutely love the Kentucky vs Charlotte Bobcats comparison. Theres always one comparison like that every year. Sometimes its if an undefeated UConn Women’s team could beat the worst Mens team in Division 1. Completely ridiculous.

Now, you’re right, the Bobcats probably always beat Kentucky. The mens team always beats the womens team. But every now and then you stumble upon a miracle upset. The 1980 USA Hockey team beating the Soviets. Buster Douglas beating Mike Tyson. Well, Heinz, in my mind, your hand job queen is Buster fucking Douglas.

Now the act of a chick going down on you is always mentally gonna be better than her giving you a handie. But the physical pleasure derived from a professional hand job compared to an amateur blow job can be an absolutely blowout. Just think about some Asian masseuse pepper-cracking your Slim Jim during a rub and tug. People pay top dollar for that right? Meanwhile, a toothy blow job may be flat out painful. Not only is it not enough to get the job done, but you might limp away from that with some scars. The Pro HJ though has so many different variables. Two hands. 10 fingers. Two opposible thumbs. Up, down, left, right. Its like the bitch is entering the Contra 30 Men Code on your dick. Hand Job Queen will leave you with your knees shaking and your ballsack moisturized.

I wouldn’t blame anyone for picking anytime of blow job over a hand job though. Especially when you’re a freshman in college or whatever and some chick is trying to make you commit and all that jazz. That was a no brainer by Heinz at age 20. But I’m just saying, “in a vacuum,” I think a professional hand job is far superior to a lame blow task.

I have a feeling I’ll be in the minority here but lets go:

Vote 1 for I’ll take the worst BJ over the best HJ Vote 10 for I’ll take the Pro HJ over the lame BJ

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PS – The lotion in the purse is such a cocky move.