How fast will there be a homemade porn released after Ms. Stodden turns 18 tomorrow? I say 9:00AM….Eastern Time….I don’t want anyone thinking I’m cheating in the pool. I predict it’s going to come out in box set like some Star Wars Collector edition….3D glasses and all. You know they have like 2000 hours of footage with all sorts of crazy shit. He’s done unspeakable things to that girl….and I love it. It’ll make Pam and Tommy look like a instructional video they give in 8th grade health class.
This momentous occasion is gonna go one of two ways. The first is Shaun’s thinking. Courtney Stodden as an 18 year old could be a Category 5 Whore. They may need to send out buses to evacuate anybody who lives in her path. She might unleash a natural disaster of whoredom the world has never seen. Forget about a Star Wars Box Set, we’re gonna need to send Anderson Cooper to the front lines to report like some sort of war journalist in Falujah. Almost like one of those weather reporters in the eye of the storm giving an update “GUYS IT APPEARS THAT COURTNEY STODDEN IS FILMING AN ORGY OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!” as winds are swirling and the ground is shaking.
Or, its gonna be like Y2K. The whole world bracing for the worst. Anticipating cataclysmic repercussions as the clock strikes midnight. And 12am comes and goes and nothing happens. Nothing changes. Courtney Stodden will just continue to fuck her creepy old husband and stage her photoshoots for her bi-monthly Guess That Ass appearance and the world keeps spinning. I mean this is the more likely scenario, right? I don’t really think Courtney Stodden has ever based her behavior on whether she was of legal age or not. She’s been a whore since the time she learned her ABCs. She was masturbating in her high chair. Theres no way that shes not doing anything at 18 years old that she isn’t already doing at 17 years and 364 days.
But maybe Shaun is right. Maybe there’s just tons of cutting room floor footage that she had to keep hidden until the rest of the world was allowed to legally and morally beat off to her. Who knows. All I know is that this could be the most interesting clock striking midnight since the Rapture.
PS – Theres also a chance she’s actually just 38 years old.
PPS – Sometimes Courtney Stodden reminds me of David Bowie from Labyrinth