Start – Aggressive pantyhose and vagina talk
4:20 – “Don’t pay for your porn be better than that”
6:50 – “I was watching a porno where the girl was fucking the guy’s mouth with her vagina”
8:00 – “I love to eat vaginas. I’m a Vaginaterian”
8:30 – “Have most of your ex boyfriends given you oral pleasure?”
9:57 – Most awkward silent pause and “So…” you’ve ever heard in your life
10:05 – “Its like eating fresh oysters” “Well…am I getting fresh oysters tonight? No? Alrighty”

Took a VERY drunk cab ride home last night from the Upper East Side down to the Village.  Within :30 seconds the dude asks me if I’m wearing pantyhose, and shit gets real weird after that.  My drunk self had the brilliant thought that maybe I wouldn’t remember the seedy details today, so I video taped.  Enjoy.

Well this was absolutely the most uncomfortable 13 minutes of my entire life. That includes the first 2 times I had sex which probably combined to be 13 minutes. I mean I was watching/listening to this from the comfort of my own home and I still felt like I was about to get raped. Like this chick is probably the bravest person in the history of the world for sticking it out with this cab driver. Dude was talking about vaginas, pantyhose and oysters like a sex offender at a raw bar. Whole thing sounded like an opening scene of Law and Order: SVU. Unbelievable.

At any rate, I’m kinda digging this dude’s game. Just no fear. Just skip the pleaseantries and lets get to talking about eating vaginas. Its like Gretzky said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Sure, chances are the majority of chicks will tuck and roll out of the moving vehicle to escape you and your rapemobile. Maybe some take out their phone and record the conversation for a smut website. But maybe, just maybe, theres 1 chick out there who takes you home and lets you go in for an all you can eat oysterfest like you’re at a summertime clam bake. You just never know. Especially as a cab driver. You’ve got a captive audience multiple times a night. Might as well just swing for the fences with these bitches trapped in the back seat.