December 12th -


Spotted at the village pourhouse during sunday funday. Some random waiting for her friends. Tall blonde girl. She was just chilling next to our booth, had no idea half the bar was staring at her…even the other girls were in awe. Much like Tebow’s performance in the 4th quarter, this can only be described as an act of god.



And the answer is, I don’t fucking know! Send out the Smoke Patrol! And I mean send out every member of it. I want Smoke Patrol planes, trains, and automobiles out there tracking this down. This is the most important Smoke Patrol mission of all time. Operation Cranston commences now.

The fact that the Smoke Patrol failed me in this instance back in December was the worst moment of all time for Barstool Sports. It was the most important mission of all time and we failed. I thought Village Pourhouse Ass Girl was gone forever. The case had gone cold.

But alas! Today new evidence has surfaced:

From: Perfect Butt
Date: Thu, Aug 16, 2012 at 4:57 PM

I may or may not have been the GTA girl on December 12th in which it was stated that “this is the most important smoke patrol mission of all time”. Can I capitalize off this without showing my face? Not because it’s unattractive, I’m just kind of a big deal hah and the people I see everyday would be very upset.

Perfect Butt

What the fuck is going on here! Is this chick trying to blackmail me with her ass? Thats what shes doing right? Trying to capitalize on those cheeks. And guess what? Its fucking working. I already offered her Blackout tickets in exchange for proof its her and more of her butt. She’s playing hard ball and I’m absolutely getting rolled on. There are times to play Chicken and this is not one of them. Ordinarily I don’t negotiate with ass terrorists, but this chick is holding all the cards with a tush like that.