KFC,

So my boyfriend’s birthday is coming up and in trying to find the sexiest little thing to wear for him, i’ve come across quite the controversy as to what is the sexiest thing a girl can wear pre/during sex. I’ve asked a few people but none of them have come to a definite conclusion. Naked is not an option because we are talking outfits/lingerie/etc. Here are the top things people have told me..in no particular order…

1. Matching lacy boy shorts with bra

2. Garter belt set with thong under the garter belt and either a corset or bra on top

3. Corset with thong

4. School girl outfit

5. Just matching lacy thong and bra

Now you’re gonna be the final say…which is the sexiest? and if it is none of the above…than what is?

- Molly

Great question, “Molly.” Even though the name on the email account that you sent this from is something entirely different. But lets get down to it.

First thing’s first, school girl outfit is out. That shit was hot when Britney Spears came out in 1998. We’re pushing 15 years ago. That shit is like vintage now. Its about as “in” as chicks having pubic hair. I mean I wouldn’t say no if my girl walked out in a plaid skirt and pigtails. But it ain’t my first choice. Matching lacy thong and bra? Matching boy shorts and bra? Uh, you should be wearing that pretty much every day. Lacy thong/boy shorts and bra doesn’t scream “Here’s your extra special birthday present.” Remember in Old School when Frank the Tank says – “I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they’re silk panties, maybe it’s a thong. Maybe it’s something really cool that I don’t even know about.” Keep that in mind. You want it to be some really cool shit he doesn’t even know about.

I could probably get down with a corset and thong. That sounds pretty hot. One of those things that puts your tits in your chin and makes your waist like 11 inches around. I just don’t want you passing out after 15 minutes from oxygen deprivation and some cracked ribs. Doesn’t matter how sexy the outfit is on the rack at the store, if you can’t pull it off, its gonna fail miserably.

For my money, I’m going with the classic garter belt set thong and bra. Only because you basically never see the whole garter get up outside of a porno or a strip club. You wanna get that “Oh shit, its ON tonite” reaction from your boyfriend? The more straps and hooks and bells and whistles is the way to go. The stockings and garter and straps is just more bells and whistles that he hardly ever sees that make his usually-bored penis go from 6 to midnight. Like I just googled “Sexy lingerie” and found this:

See that shit? I could get tied up in that trying to undress this broad. Looks like my iPhone head phones after I walk around with them in my pocket all day. Just all tangled up and hooked up from here to there, around the back, across the waist. Looks like her tits and her thong are playing cats cradle with each other. You gotta be an Eagle Scout to get in and out of this outfit. So my vote is the garter-get up with stockings and a thong/bra.

Now Molly, don’t take just my opinion. There are about 200 creepy social misfit blog commenters who will offer their opinion as well.