Dear Barstool-

I live in Albany near Saratoga where we frequent in the summer.   Shit gets crazy at night there.  I’m talking kids puking on tits and pissing in bars crazy.  There is one street that is always pure chaos.  Scumbags mixing with the track folk is always a good time.  Take a guess if this dude was a scumbag or track goer.  And by scumbag, I mean a hero in my eyes. http://blog.timesunion.com/saratogaseen/man-arrested-for-punching-police-horse/6306/

- John

Saratoga - A Cohoes man will spend 30 days behind bars after he allegedly punched a police horse in Saratoga Springs.  Police say Jamison Johnson was kicked of out of a bar in the early morning hours of August 15th. They say he was swearing at the bar’s staff as well as officers.  That’s when, police say, Johnson walked up to a police horse and punched it in the nose.  The horse was not hurt.  City court officials say Johnson pleaded guilty Tuesday to attempted injury to a police animal and resisting arrest.

Whoa whoa whoa. Back it up. Beep, beep, beep. Before I get into the Do’s and Don’ts of Horse Punching, lets start with the bars at Saratoga Springs. “Kids puking on tits?” Is that a typo? Did you mix up “kids puking on the bar” and “chicks flashing their tits?” Are dudes really vomiting on chick’s chests in Saratoga Springs? I don’t know whether to be scared or turned on. I mean I’m down with that whole Judge not lest ye be judged movement but I’m gonna have to go out on a limb here and say puking on chicks is not sexy.

Now lets get down to business. Horse Punching is no fuckin joke. I mean how fuckin drunk do you have to be to cold cock Mr. Ed? If I was drunk I wouldn’t even go near a 1,500 pound animal unless it was Scott’s mom. Plus people love animals so much more than humans. Just look at the whole Mike Vick saga. So I bet you stand a better chance at punching a Police Human than you do punching a Police Horse.

Good luck in the slammer, Jamison. Make sure you find your Squirrel Master and say whats up to Nasty Nate for me.