KFC,

My friends always shit on me for being a gym teacher and it literally boggles my mind. I make the same if not more money  than they do (and only work 1/2 the year), get great benefits and what not, snow days, spring break, winter break, holidays and all summer off, and I play sports all day. Im basically a small step below a professional athlete because I am literally getting paid to play sports every day. Being a gym teacher is one of the greatest jobs in America, and I have some cubicle monkeys bashing me for it. Is it because they are jealous? has to be right? Anyway..I wanted to know what you and stoolie nation thought about being a gym teacher

Matt

How much do you make a year?

- KFC

Starting pay is 58,000 but all the other gym teachers in my district are at or around 100,000+ so that pay will go up as I put in my time. Then add the coaching salary I make as well. Living the dream

-Matt

Haters gonna hate! Gym teachers gonna gym teach. I can kind of relate to this dude since the world thinks my job is a joke. But here’s the thing – guys like Matt and me – we realize its a joke. Its not like Matt sits around trying to tell you that he’s molding the youth of America and has a more important job than his buddy working at JP Morgan losing 3 billion dollars a week. He’s just like “I play sports all day with fat kids, get tons of vacation, all the benefits you get, and make $60K a year. Eventually play dodge ball and matball and coach girls volleyball until I’m making like 100,000 dollars.” If you can hate on that, then you’re just a hater plain and simple.

I know being a gym teacher ain’t the best cocktail party material to impress the bougie people of the world. Being a blogger certainly isn’t. But there’s two main things at play here: 1) You gotta be honest with yourself and understand whether you can ever crush it in a “real” profession or not. Like I was the worst accountant in the history of the world. I looked at all my peers around me and I was like these people are so much better at this finance shit than I am, they are gonna make a boatload of money. Me? Not so much. So why have a terrible cubicle monkey job if you’re gonna level off and make like 100 grand and never crush it? Might as well do the same thing and have a easy breezy job that you enjoy. and 2) You have to genuinely believe its awesome to play sports with kids all day/write childish blogs. You can’t just be saying those things to argue with your friends who are analysts and lawyers but secretly you’re embarrassed by it all. You have to fucking OWN being a gym teacher. Gotta let people you know its a choice and not that you just settled. Otherwise chicks will just view you as a failure because they see right through your insecurity and you’ll end up fat cold and lonely and eventually go to jail for jerking off in front of the students probably. Its not easy though. Sure summers off and all that shit is fun now but when you’re 40 and Kenny Powers its gonna take work to still pretend you like it. Thing is, most people are miserable then anyway, so whats the difference?

So Matt, a couple of your buddies will go on to make like 500 grand a year and live lavish. They might work a zillion hours and their family might hate them but at the end of the day its still hard to argue that being a gym teacher is better than making half a mil a year. But the majority of your friends will end up making 6 figures at a job they absolutely despise 12 months a year. So I say, bravo bro. You’re realistic and playing Steal The Bacon and Guard The Pins and making just as much as the cubicle monkey trapped in misery.

PS – Matt don’t let these pussy lawmakers stop you from playing dodgeball and all the real gym games. Do the right thing. Keep Gym Class alive for the youth of America.