my wife tells me i fart and pick my nose in my sleep. I’m 100% serious here — i have no idea that i’m doing it. problem is she’s getting annoyed that i don’t do something about it. but i mean what can i do? I can’t help it. i’m not going to change being white or being extremely good looking with a huge dong, and i’m sure as shit not going to change farting and picking my nose in my sleep. I mean that’s what guys do right? But i do feel bad for the Mrs. So what do i do here?


Fuckin broads, right? Always mad at shit that can’t be controlled. You know what I think is the real story here, Jake? Your creepy wife who’s just sitting there watching you while you sleep. Watching you pick your nose and breathing in all your farts. Go the fuck to sleep babe. Jake probably has no idea what his wife does in her sleep because he isn’t leering at her while she snoozes like a creep. Who knows what she does. Maybe she farts too. Maybe she bites her toenails while shes asleep. Jake couldn’t tell you that because hes not a creepy motherfucker. Just busy dreaming away while ripping ass and digging for gold.

PS – Isn’t this really the difference between men and women when you think about it? Jake pickin burgers, passin gas, catching some ZZZs without a care in the world. Meanwhile his wife is up all night worrying about it trying to figure out ways an unconscious man can control his behavior. Thats some Mars and Venus shit right there.