Shaming you for your dry spell:

VS.

Shaming you because you’re ugly?

Hey KFC,

Its KFC. I’m emailing myself to make it seem like a reader actually sent these screenshots in, even though the reality is you just watch so much porn you’ve begun to take notice of the pop up advertisements. Great work on the Casting Couch session earlier this morning. You really know how to crack stick. Anyway, just wanted to know which of these brutally honest porn advertisements works the best?

Keep up the good work! You’re the best writer on the network!

- KFC

So a reader emailed these two Youjizz advertisements in this morning. The porn world is fuckin playin for keeps huh! Just cut to the chase and tell me how you really feel, Youjizz! You are ugly. You haven’t fucked a pussy in 6 months. Why would you not click on this ad? You have literally nothing to live for. If you don’t click this ad, the next rotation is just going to be a pop up for assisted suicide because at this rate you should just kill yourself.

I’ll tell you what though, its a pretty effective form of advertising. When I see an ad thats like “Make your dick grow to 13 inches!” I know thats total bullshit. No way you can add 10 inches to my dick. Doesn’t matter what you’re selling – surgery, pills, whatever. I know thats not true. Same thing with those webcam chicks who try to seduce you. I know they don’t really wanna fuck me. These are all just fantasy world attempts to get me to click. No way those ever work. But this new technique. This is legit. Just fucking you up with some truth. I see that first one and I’m like “Hey you know what? I have been in a pretty big slump. It has been a pretty serious dry spell. Maybe I should give it a shot.” That second one its like “Well, ugly may be a little bit harsh, but I do have that lazy eye. I do have that double chin. Maybe I should find out that one trick. You know, just in case I am really ugly.”

Don’t treat me like I’m Peter North. Don’t act like I’m just a click away from fucking Tori Black. Treat me like the person I really am. I’m a dude laying in bed at night with my boxers around my ankles and my laptop heat burning my chest while I pretend I’m the guy who does Casting Couch. Cut me right to the core and tell me I’m ugly and pathetic and that there’s hope just one click away. Keep it real, Youjizz. Keep it real.

Time to vote

Which ad makes you wanna click more:

Vote 1 for shaming you because of your slump and promising you’ll get laid now Vote 10 for saying you’re ugly and promising the one trick that will get you laid no matter what…

Personally I’m voting on the second one. Because its kind of like the “Give a man a fish/teach a man to fish” proverb. The first one may get you laid once, but learning that one trick may get you laid for life.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (357 votes, average: 5.33 out of 10)
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