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Your prayers have been answered for tomorrow’s festivities:
-Chris

Craigslist – Use my bathroom in Hoboken for St Paddy Day (Hoboken) - We are offering 10 1 day memberships to use our toilets in our apartment during the Hoboken Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. $40 for the day gives you unlimited piss and poop sessions. It is a $2,000 fine if caught in public and with nearly 154 police officers working that day you will no doubt get caught, the fine is up to $2k and you will have to perform community service which we are learning will be you holding a sign at 14th St and Washington St that reads “I’m an asshole, I got caught pissing or shitting in public”. Avoid all of this and give us $40 and you can piss and poop to your hearts content. Free toilet paper included if you sign up now, otherwise it is $10 a roll at the door. You can also stop by our home and use a designated non membership toilet for $25 a pop as needed. This is a very serious offering, reply for address.

This Hoboken St. Patty’s Day thing is all KFC has talked about recently but I think he went to bed so I’m going to throw this up for him.  If you want to know my 2 cents this is an absolute steal.  Anyone who has ever been anywhere knows this is a deal.   St. Patty’s parades, Mardi Gras, Concerts, Championship Parades.  Disney World.  Any sort of outdoor festivity where you are getting fucked up the bathroom is always an issue.  Now normally I would say be a man and sneak off and piss in a corner somewhere but we keep getting warnings about how the cops are going to be all over this.  Like 10 cops every 2 feet with binoculars and thermal imaging just waiting for someone to whip their dick out so they can cash in on that fine.  So better you drop the $40 bucks to  piss all over this kid’s apartment than in a jail cell or on your $2,000 fine ticket stub.  And on the off chance you’re one of those weirdos who has to shit at an outdoor event well then this thing pretty much pays for itself after one use.  Normally I’d say $40 bucks is kind of expensive but what can you say the kid is a savvy business pioneer and this is cutthroat capitalism after all.  Maybe just piss in his sink one time to get him back for the inflated prices.

**UPDATE** KFC woke up!:

So I’m not gonna lie, I’m nervous about Hoboken St. pats this year. Without my apartment as my home base, i’m like a lost child. And I’ll tell you i’m worried about lines at the bar and $30 covers, but that’s all just a front. My main concern is where the fuck am I gonna shit? The past 2 years I’d just head to the privacy of my own bathroom and rock out with some Febreze afterward. But that’s not an option any more. And 2 years ago I saw this guy taking a shit in Black Bear trying desperately to hold the stall door shut because there was no lock and a pack of drunk animals were banging on the door and stuff. I swore to myself I’d never be that guy pooping on St Pattys Day at the bar.

So I’ve been fretting over this for about a week now, and lo and behold we got ourselves a genius who’s lookin to make a little coin with his $40 Poop Pass. Brilliant. Free markets at it’s finest. Sure, $40 is pretty steep. But do I wanna be the Black Bear Poop Guy or do I wanna catch a $2,000 fine? For sure not.

I can’t believe I’m about to utter these words but I think I’m gonna pay $40 to shit in another man’s home for the day.