HyperVocalRay Fulk, a 71-year-old eccentric who bathed in a creek and drove a 1960s Ford, died alone last summer. Since he never married, had no children or family and didn’t count many people as friends, he had to make an odd choice when it came time to set up his last will: to whom would the bulk of his estate go when his time had come. Fulk made an interesting call: relatively unknown actors Kevin Brophy and Peter Barton, whom he considered “friends” despite never meeting. Both men were television and movie stars in the 1980s and 1990s. In fact, Brophy’s biggest break was the 1977 TV show “Lucan” in which he played the title character who had been raised by wolves. Ray kept a Lucan poster on the wall of his house many years after the show went off the air. One-time teen idol Barton acted in movies and TV shows, most notably as Dr. Scott Grainger in the daytime soap “The Young and the Restless” from 1987-93. Barton and Brophy know each other and worked together in the1981 movie “Hell Night,” which starred Linda Blair. Brophy and Barton will each split proceeds from the estate, which “will likely amount to the high six figures after Ray’s 160 acres of farm ground are sold,” the S-JR reported. “Depending on the price paid per acre, and $10,000 an acre might not be far off, it could hit a million dollars.” One million dollars. To two ’80s actors he never met. Yahtzee.

I just want all the Stoolies out there to know I consider each and every one of you friends. All the readers, all my twitter followers, anyone who’s ever listened to KFC Radio, we’re practically family. So don’t be bashful if you’re out there drawing up your will. KFC is a worthy beneficiary for the real diehards out there. I’ll be honest I spend more time with the blog every single day of my life than I do with friends and family. So I’ll treat your estate and next of kin like they should be.

Now if the tables were turned and I was the one about to kick the bucket, I’m picking 2 guys from the 90s to bequeath all my shit. Just like Ray Fulk picking out his favorite character who was raised by wolves on TV or the the main characters from his favorite movie Hell Night. My two choices:

1. Balki Bartokomous from Perfect Strangers

I’d probably leave my entire estate to the fictional character of Balki Bartokomous. Wouldn’t even bother splitting it. Dude was just a great fucking guy. Cousin Larry took him for granted. I’d leave Balki a million in a heartbeat. Guy could probably buy the entire island of Mypos with that inheritance.

2. Buddy Lembeck from Charles In Charge

Who needs this money more than anyone on the fucking planet? Buddy Lembeck, thats who. Buddy Lembeck had absolutely no redeeming qualities. Zero discernible talent. No intelligence. Ugly as sin. Socially uncalibrated. Its a legitimate miracle he even survived on a day to day basis. Charles basically kept him alive. The only reason he ever found a girl was when he Teddy Tupperware’d Charles’ leftovers. But the guy had a heart of gold. He would have taken a bullet for Charles. And I know for sure that he wanted to fuck Jamie Powell so we definitely have that in common. Buddy Lembeck – the man was like a one man charity foundation.