Months and months after it would have made for some seriously exciting and meaningful news, Rick Nash has officially been traded to the New York Rangers. Despite Columbus’ constant calls for Kreider and their fake-as-shit, hard-ass, non-relenting stance of franchise solidarity, they happily snapped up the meager package of Dubinsky, Anisimov, Erixon and a future first rounder. Sather with the steal! The man might not be able to navigate his way out of a free agent paper bag but bring him to the trading table and Slats’ll rob your broke ass blind. Don’t get me wrong here – wrapping up Ricky Nash will certainly cause some problems down the road with his massive cap hit, long-term contract and completely unproven playoff reputation, but it’s a huge move that avoids all those nightmarish visions of mortgaged futures and Derek Stepan in Blue Jacket jerseys. Philly can take their Shea Weber offer sheets and shove ‘em where the sun don’t shine. It’s an Atlantic Division arms race, bitches, and we just dropped the bomb.
At this point, I kinda feel bad for that twerpy looking squid Scott Howson. Someone please put this dude out of his misery and hire Pierre McGuire to take his place so we can kill two retarded birds with just one stone. This whole Nash fiasco dragged out so freaking long and in the end, he’s getting peanuts for his prize asset. Dude just got slapped in the face and told he should like it, like some gay nightclub’s resident twink trying to turn the tides on his larger lover and play pitcher for a change. Sather’s a bear not a power-bottom, so you’ll take our table scraps and you’ll thank us for it, Scott. Pathetic general managing at absolutely every turn, and I fucking love it! @Osgood_StoolNYC