HBTThe Mariners may not have offered $200 million to Robinson Cano yet, but it sounds like it’s going to happen before long. David Waldstein of the New York Times and CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman are both reporting that the Mariners plan to offer nine years and $225 million to Cano. This is a slightly different number than what was reported by Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes earlier this afternoon, but it’s still likely higher than where the Yankees are willing to go. Nine years and $225 million would give Cano an AAV (average annual value) of $25 million, tying him with Ryan Howard, Josh Hamilton, and Felix Hernandez for the fifth-highest in MLB history.

This is how we all went to bed, thinking that Cano was in Seattle having money thrown at him to make him one of the highest payed players in baseball, with a deal that the Yankees were not going to match. Personally I wasn’t worried that I was gonna wake up to find out this contract got signed over night, because it makes zero sense on all sides.

Bad For Seattle

Let’s face it, these guys fucking blow and Cano is not going to change that. Cano is a good ball player but not the guy that changes your franchise. He isn’t going to be a veteran leader you need. Think he is lazy in NY? How bad will it be for that AAA team you trot out every game. Save your money.

Bad For Cano

What are you going to do, be the third Spanish guy in the history of Seattle? Like really think about what it would be like to LIVE IN SEATTLE. Far from the DR, no 40/40 club and just pale depressed white women. Plus the Yankees are offering 7/$175 which is the same amount of money per year, but at the end you get your veteran Yankee contracts like Jeter is now, NY endorsement dollars everything that comes with being a career Yankee. After the first $150mil does the rest really matter?

Bad For Jay-Z

As his first big client it’s important to get Cano a big deal, but at what cost? No one wants to fly to Seattle even if you own a private jet and I am pretty sure Jay-Z has never toured to Seattle even once. Plus can you imagine the headache of having to deal with a pissed off Cano after you put him in Seattle and he can’t find any “culo”? Probably worse than dealing with Vinny Chase and his crew.

Then we woke up to this:

Of course talks broke off! I know that at the end of the day Jay-Z is a hustlers hustlers or some other cool hip hop saying but this is a case of shit just getting too real.

Jay-Z wanted to drive up the Yankee’s number so he figured lets get Seattle in play and make this look real, so they flew out to Seattle. The problem is that once they got there, there was no negotiation and Seattle was willing to spend. “$225mil, $250mil no problem look how happy King Felix is getting no run support, this is going to be great!”  At this point someone who has been an agent for more than 20 minutes probably let Jay-Z know that this was a push to get Cano to sign before he got back on a plane and it was time to come up with huge demands that no one would match. A private box, charter jets, unicorns, another season of The Wire and Kurt Cobain. Just stuff that could not happen, but sends a message to the Yankees that “We went on a date with someone else but didn’t kiss, now let’s make things right.”

At the end of the day Cano is going to be in pinstripes next season no matter how pissed he is that the Yankees gave Ellsbury a ton of money or whatever his dad wants to say to the press. And if I.m wrong and he leaves? Fuck him, he’ll regret it later.

Sometimes I tweet funny shit: @BarstoolJJ