The New “Black People Reacting Absurdly To Stuff” Power Rankings Is As Follows:
5. A scary scene during a horror movie at the theaters – We all know black people love to bring their own theatrics to the cinema. No example better than when something particularly scary happens. Black people don’t like to be starteld to begin with, and combining that with their movie theater dramatics is pure gold. Its usually “OH HELL NO!” followed by them running out of the theater all together.
4. Spinning for a dollar on the Price Is Right – This is the newcomer to the list. Bianca here just ushering all black contestants on the Price is Right into the top 5 all by herself. What a performance. Just downright amazing. Probably the most disrespectful display you can imagine right in the face of the chick that currently held the lead in the Wheel Spin. How fucking pissed was she? She had the Showcase Showdown on her mind and Bianca comes in, spins a dollar, doesn’t even fucking realize it, and then stops, drops and rolls like someone lit her on fire. Hugging the wheel and jumping on Drew and shit like “$1,000! I’m gonna buy me a new weave!” Welcome to the Top 5.
3. Being touched by the Holy Spirit – Or as they call it “catching the Holy Ghost.” One of my favorite and more underrated moments from Baptists and Jehovah’s Witnesses and shit. Guys like Bro Franklin or this dude break dancing after they been touched by the Lord:
Just get overwhelmed by the Holy Ghost and let loose. Note: this isn’t strictly a black thing, but black people do it so much better than white people so they still dominate this category.
2. World Star Hip Hop Video Fights – Could easily be number 1A on this list. Black folks get downright exuberant for late night brawls at the waffle house or neighborhood scraps in the front lawn. They all film on their phones, they all scream World Star, and usually there’s at least one “you got knocked the fuck out!” No matter who wins or loses, they celebrate. Its like nobody even cares who’s side their own. Someone gets one-punched and both sides erupt like they just spun for a dollar.
1. Reacting at dunk contests – The undisputed champ in my mind. Watching black folks celebrate during dunk contests are probably more of a spectacle than the dunks themselves. I swear I think sometimes they have it planned. They throw up their Gatorade “10″ and they just start running. I really think some of them just run one or 2 laps around the court after every dunk. They have that look on their face like they’re actually in pain. Put their hands up to the sky like the Holy Ghost is present. And point and laugh at the dude who just got embarrassed like he got knocked out for World Star. The Dunk Contest combines all of the other black people reactions – running, yelling, celebrating, embarrassing and praising. Its the pinnacle of black people dramatics.
Update: Huge oversight on my part to not include the Maury Povich “You Are Not The Father” reactions
You get the crip walking, break dancing fathers combined with the “Oh hell naw!” single mothers. Its the Perfect Storm of black dramatics