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Outside OnlineBlame your high expectations. According to a study from the Centre for Economic Performance at the London School of Economics to be published this week, life satisfaction peaks at 23 and 69, dipping dramatically in your 50s as life’s myriad disappointments kick in. After surveying 23,161 Germans, ages 17 to 85, researchers discovered that people in their early 20s overestimate their future happiness by 10 percent. After that, disillusionment causes a bottoming-out at around age 55. By age 68, the average person underestimates their future happiness by 4.5 percent, reducing the disappointment they face. “People in their fifties could learn from the elderly, who generally feel less regret,” researcher Hannes Schwandt told the Daily Mail. “They should try not to be frustrated by their unmet expectations because they are probably not feeling much worse than their peers,” Schwandt said.

Well I think this all depends on where you went to college and what you do after college. If you went to an SEC college and partied your face off and watched championship football teams win titles while you fucked tons of girls, 23 is probably a pretty fuckin miserable year. Reality smacks you hard in the face. Especially if you’re entering the Cube Monkey world. You got from a life of total freedom, limited responsibility, and free pussy, directly into a cage for minimum 50 hours a week, with bills, and chicks who aren’t total hookers all the time.

Personally I’d say 24-26 was the best for someone like me. I went to boring ass Fordham which was great as far as getting a job and meeting good people but certainly not that Van Wilder college experience you dream up. So once I was in Manhattan with money in the bank and I had figured out the way to play the corporate monkey game and work the system to the fullest, life was a blast. Didn’t hurt that it was right around when I started to work for the largest empire of smut on the internet. Anyway, my point is, I think 23 is like a year or 2 early in my mind, but I think the 24-26 years can be better than the college years you’re always taught are “the best years of your life.”

69 has gotta be fucking legit though. Assuming that the economy isn’t gonna be miserable forever and thats right around the time you’re retiring. Retiring has gotta be one of the single greatest feelings a human can experience. You just declare to world in one swift motion “I no longer give a fuck.” You’ve got like 10-12, maybe 15 more years to just do absolutely nothing and enjoy every single second of it. And no, you wont get bored because you’ll remember how awful the last 40 years have been. Just pop viagra, maybe play with some grandkids, and perhaps experiment with some hard drugs because, fuck it, you’ll be dead soon anyway. What a great life that is.

So, I guess the moral of this blog is, if you’re like 23-25, cherish that shit. I wish I could grab your face and shake it Billy Madison style. Stay here, as longggg as you can. And if you’re like 27, you should cherish every day too. Not saying they’re spectacular, but every single day is going to be worse than the previous day for the next 40 years. So even though its pretty mediocre, every declining day is still the best its gonna be until you hit your late 60s and retire. Enjoy!