What about if I tweet and update WHILE I have sex with this girl? What happens then?

NYDNPosting views on Facebook and other social media sites delivers a powerful reward to the brain similar to the pleasure from food and sex, a Harvard study concludes. The study led by two neuroscientists and published this week concluded that “self disclosure” produces a response in the region of the brain associated with dopamine, a chemical associated with pleasure or the anticipation of a reward. The researchers said most people devote 30 to 40 percent of their speech to “informing others of their own subjective experiences” but that on social media, this is closer to 80 percent. They conclude “that humans so willingly self-disclose because doing so represents an event with intrinsic value, in the same way as with primary rewards such as food and sex.” Although Facebook was not specifically cited in the study, it focused on the brain response of people’s “opportunities to communicate their thoughts and feelings to others.”  The study gave people a small cash reward for answering certain factual questions about things they observe, and a lower reward for offering their own views about a subject. But in many cases, the participants chose a smaller reward if they could talk about themselves. “Just as monkeys are willing to forgo juice rewards to view dominant groupmates and college students are willing to give up money to view attractive members of the opposite sex, our participants were willing to forgo money to think and talk about themselves,” the researchers wrote.

I don’t know shit about monkeys and juice and science studies but I will tell you this much – I spend half my day thinking about sex and the other half thinking about social media. So I, for one, believe this shit is real. My favorite thing in the world is to put my dick inside a woman and my second favorite thing in the world is to send out a fuckin home run tweet. Give me 100 retweets on a one liner gem or a thousand Likes on facebook for a home run blog and I feel like a fuckin rock star. Its basically the equivalent for me of blasting the internet with a Peter North facial.

Now I realize how nerdy that sounds. Commenters will probably go nuts and call me a fag. Which is ironic, considering a blog commenter is absolutely the lowest form of social media scum looking for attention and approval. But here’s the way I think about it – every time I finish having sex I’m like “Wow. I can’t believe you like me enough to let me do what I just did.” Every time I say something funny on the blog or twitter and facebook and hundreds of people react and agree, I’m like “Wow. I can’t believe you guys really like me.” Same sort of feeling. When your whole life is just trying to be funny on the internet and trying to have sex, with drinking sprinkled in throughout all of it, you’d be surprised how similar sex and Twitter can be.

Now follow me on twitter. Hey at least I’m not asking you to have sex with me, right?