IBN - The Church of Scientology held secret auditions to find a girlfriend and future wife for actor Tom Cruise, a powerful and dedicated member of the faith. The revelation was made by Cruise’s divorced wife Katie Holmes in an interview to the Vanity Fair magazine. Vanity Fair’s special correspondent Maureen Orth said that in 2004 Scientology embarked on a top-secret project headed by Shelly Miscavige, wife of Scientology chief David Miscavige, which involved finding a girlfriend for Tom Cruise. ”The organization devised an elaborate auditioning process in which actresses who were already Scientology members were called in, told they were auditioning for a new training film, and then asked a series of curious questions including: What do you think of Tom Cruise?” The magazine said Scientology representatives have denied that “any such search took place and have dismissed several of the story’s sources as disgruntled apostates.” Actress Nazanin Boniadi, an Iranian-born, London-raised actress and Scientologist, was selected during the audition and dated Cruise from November 2004 until January 2005. In startling details coming to light in the new Vanity Fair story, Boniadi was allegedly told that she had been selected for a very important mission. The magazine claimed that she was audited every day, “a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life. Boniadi allegedly was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend.”

I’m so sick of Scientology. Shit is for the birds. Sorry Scientologists! You missed the boat! All the other made up fake fantasy religions were made up thousands of years ago. You and your weirdo alien shit is just too late to the party. Nobody cares about L. Ron Hubbard or Tom Cruise. Matter of fact, pretty much everyone thinks Tom Cruise is a gay lunatic. Doesn’t matter which robot puppet you audition and enslave to Tom Cruise. Everyone is pretty much preoccupied with the idea that he is a stark raving psycho who has probably fucked John Travolta. Doesn’t matter who his fake wife is.

However – I can get down with this auditioning wives system. Have a whole screening process from my minions to weed out the bad apples. Have them answer a questionnaire to narrow it down:

1) Are you fat? If no, proceed to #2.

2) You like to fuck?  If yes, proceed to #3

3) You make a lot of money? If yes, will you marry me? If no proceed to #4

4) You like to really fuck? Like really kinky shit? If yes proceed to #5

5) You like to cook? If yes, will you marry me? If no, proceed to #6

6) Are you cool with me being an underachieving man-boy blogger who writes about young college girls? If yes, will you marry me? If no, fuck it you’re good enough will you marry me anyway?