First thing’s first, this has gotta be the easiest smoke patrol in the history of smoke patrols. Her name is Chelsea Lovett. She’s from Florida State. She works at Johnny Utahs. I’m giving you a name, face, school and job. Somehow I can’t find a facebook link, twitter link, email address. Nothing. Just stupid websites about agencies that represent her as a singer and actress. She’s been on Boomer and Carton several times now and this morning she was talking about 50 Shades of Grey and how she acts out all the scenes with her boyfriend and I had to excuse myself from my desk. I’m just kidding I masturbated right there at my work station. Anyway, I finally decided she just absolutely needs to be a smokeshow. She’s gorgeous. Great singer. Cool chick. Perfect smokeshow package. I would say I’m completely in love with her but since she’s a New York City bartender and all I’d really need to do is go to her bar and give it a shot, that makes it awkward. So I’m not in love with her but I totally am.

So get on it Stoolies, find me somethin. Otherwise I am just gonna have to go to Johnny Utah’s 7 days a week until I find her. Would rather avoid the stalking/creeping/kidnapping angle but I’m not above it.