Huff PoA man in Rochester, N.Y., who was arrested Tuesday for allegedly inappropriately touching children’s feet, claims he’s the victim of a setup by no less than President Barack Obama. Anthony Parri, 49, was arraigned on two felony sex abuse and endangering the welfare of a child charges. According to court documents obtained by WHAM-TV, Parri removed a child’s shoe, fondled her foot and pressed it up against his nose and mouth. According to police, library staff reported the possible offense after a mother saw a suspicious man having contact with her daughter’s foot. After confronting him, the man left the library, where he was subsequently detained by police, WHEC-TV reported. “I’m being set up by the President Barack Obama and the city and federal government,” he said after the arraignment. “My family was killed here. My uncle was killed here. This is a set up… they had women following me in Wegmans.”

Yo not for nothing but did Obama murder your family? Murder your uncle? You ever been followed by women in Wegmans? Maybe you’d become a foot licker too. Who knows? Nobody knows how they’d react in the situation until you’re being tailed in Wegman’s and all you can think about is how your uncle was unjustly murdered. Maybe the only way to ease the pain is smushing the soles of young girl’s feet up against your nose and/or nose in a library. Its one of those “Until you walk a mile in their shoes” sort of things. Which I’m sure Anthony Parri would love. He’d be thrilled with people walking a mile in his shoes. Shove his nose up in those things afterwards and get all sorts of foot smells.

But until you do walk that mile, reserve judgment on Anthony Parri. Dude is just a hybrid between John Nash from A Beautiful Mind and Rex Ryan. Grand conspiracy theories about the government and a little friendly toe sucking. Ain’t the end of the world.