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(wipe that smile off your face, Little Man.  Running away sucks.)

AUSTIN, Texas, Oct. 22 (UPI) — An adventure-minded 11-year-old boy in Texas said his big plans for running away from home ended after only half a day when he got bored.  Robert and Mary Anne Notzon of Austin said they discovered at about 9 a.m. Monday their son Pablo was gone from their house and had left a note saying he would be gone for three months, the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman reported.  The parents said Pablo had recently read “My Side of the Mountain,” Jean Craighead George’s 1959 novel about a boy who leaves home and lives on his own in upstate New York’s Catskill Mountains.  Police were called and a search of the area began, but it ended after only a few hours when Pablo returned home about 1 p.m.  Pablo said he had left the house about 7:40 a.m. with insect repellent, toilet paper, dental floss, flint and magnesium fire-starters, $80 cash, oranges, heat packs, a pack of socks, a compass and a pocket survival guide book. He said he rode his bike to a wooded area, where he made a knife out of bamboo, played solitaire and attempted to solve a Rubik’s cube before concluding he could have more fun at home.  “It wasn’t the best time of my life,” he said. “I think it was a good experience. I have no regrets, except that I made everybody upset.”

How about Bear Grylls over here!  “insect repellent, toilet paper, dental floss, flint and magnesium fire-starters, $80 cash, oranges, heat packs, a pack of socks, a compass and a pocket survival guide book.”  Magnesium fucking fire starters?  If I ran away here would be the list of shit I bring:

1. Booze

2. S’mores

That’s it.

But the reality is, running away is for the birds.  I used to kick around that idea when my parents were cramping my style when I was a kid.  But then I realized – you can’t play Nintendo in the woods.  Little Pablo learned this the hard way.  Some wood carving and a fucking Rubik’s Cube sucks.  And come lunch time, bologna sandwiches with the crusts cut off aren’t gonna make themselves.  So I’ll let the Tom Sawyer’s of the world runaway with all their belongings packed up in a stick and bindle, but I’m just gonna go back home, continue to be a dick, let me mom yell at me, and live in the lap of luxury.