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GothamistIt never fails—no sooner do you get your car washed than it starts pouring rain or you accidentally drive into a freaking river. Such was the unlucky fate suffered by an elderly New Jersey woman who drove directly from a car wash parking lot into the Hackensack River yesterday. The accident was caught on surveillance tape. The unidentified driver was rescued by an employee of the Spotless Auto Laundry and a customer who both jumped into the river. The vehicle was almost completely submerged when hero John Goez got to the woman. “She was scared, crying,” Goez told “I kept telling her, ‘Don’t worry, we’re going to get you out of here.’ We couldn’t open the door because of the water pressure. Thank God, the window was half open. We got her through the window.” The woman, who sustained minor injuries in the accident, reportedly “hit the wrong pedal” while trying to drive away from the car wash—which, to be fair, does seem to be situated perilously close to the water. Then again, she does live in a place that’s literally called River Edge, so you’d think she might be used to this sort of thing by now.

Are these news anchors seriously blaming the car wash for being too close to the river? This bitch just drove straight into a body of water and its somehow the river’s fault. Christ. Chicks man. They’re either complaining about their periods or glass ceilings in the workplace or driving cars into rivers. Lets just tie all of them to the stove with their apron strings so they can never leave the house