Huff Po – You’re going to have to come up with a better excuse for sleeping with that person whom you wish you’d never met. It seems that the old “beer goggles” excuse just won’t work. A new study by the U.K.’s Durham University questions the long-held belief that alcohol consumption makes a person drop their standards as to whom they’d drop their drawers for. Study author psychologist Dr. Amanda Ellison said that alcohol doesn’t make people look more attractive, it just increases their level of lust. “There is no imagined physical transformation, just more desire,” Allison said, according to MSNnow.com. “Alcohol switches off the rational and decision-making areas of the brain while leaving the areas to do with sexual desire relatively intact.” Ellison said it is a fluke of nature that the lust section of the brain –- the oldest part -– still functions after consumption of alcohol, the Metro reported.

The fact that this was some chick scientist was the least shocking thing of all time. “Beer Goggles” doesn’t mean my eyesight changes and I have some Shallow Hal effect where a 4 all the sudden looks like a 10. It just means I’m shitfaced and ok with the fact that I’m gonna fuck a 4. Not like beer is some magic hallucinogenic potion that makes the girl hot, it just makes me stupid enough that I can say to myself “My friends won’t make fun of me that much.” Plain and simple alcohol creates an honest world. If Eve never ate the Forbidden Fruit in the Garden of Eden and we still lived in paradise without shame everyone would fuck fat and ugly people all the time. If nobody made fun of you for it and you never felt ashamed, banging fat chicks wouldn’t matter. But Eve fucked it up and now you need to basically poison your mind and cloud your vision and decision making in order to harpoon a whale. Beer Goggles doesn’t effect your literal vision. It just lowers your inhibitions so you behave how you truly were meant to behave.