Observer-Reporter - A man was arrested Saturday night for allegedly stealing a bag of marijuana that had been seized as evidence from the Charleroi Regional police department. David Allan Thompson, 27, reportedly stopped at the station about 8 p.m. Officer David Kimball, who had been working on reports from other incidents that day, took Thompson to a room to speak with him. Kimball left the room to retrieve his cellphone, telling Thompson he would be right back. Kimball went to the patrol room to get his phone, noticing Thompson had followed him. Thompson was escorted out of the patrol room and back into the original room by Kimball. After Thompson finished talking with the officer, he left the station. Kimball returned to the patrol room to finish the report and log evidence, including the marijuana, which he noticed was gone. After checking to see if another officer had bagged it, Kimball searched the desk. Kimball told the other officer what happened, and the two went to look for Thompson. Five minutes later, Kimball spotted Thompson walking past the police station and asked him “What did you do with the weed?” Thompson held out his left hand and placed the bag in the officer’s hand. Police said that back inside the station, Thompson apologized repeatedly to police, telling them, “I just couldn’t help myself. That bud smelled so good.” He reportedly told police that he initially stopped by to help them out and couldn’t believe he was in trouble for “taking a little bit of weed.”

I can’t believe it either, David Allan Thompson. Just trying to do your duty as a good samaritan, reporting an incident to those that protect & serve only to find yourself behind bars. For what? Taking a little bit of weed? Come on. It’s not like he concocted a marijuana heist with malice aforethought. He’s just some stoner put in what he perceived as a once-in-a-lifetime moment. Caught a whiff of bud that smelled so good he was faced with an unexpected “shit or get off the pot” opportunity that may never return. So many dudes tell stories like, “Bro, I was at the gym blasting my pecs when the hottest chick I’ve ever seen walked in. Seriously, I’ll never see a girl that hot again.” “So…did you talk to her?” “Uhh…nah man, I didn’t want to come off like some creep who hits on everything with tits at the gym.” Congratulations, pansy. Maybe if you weren’t so self-conscious you’d be man enough to take a risk and potentially be balls-deep in a piece of prized pussy. David Allan Thompson, however, is all man. There’s only one way he could find himself 3 bingers deep into the best sack of weed he’ll ever sniff, and it wasn’t by standing in the police station admiring the scent. He swiped that shit, fully aware of the potential consequences. Sure, he got caught, but at least he made a move. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

@610Barstool

KFC Editor’s Note: I stopped reading after “malice aforethought.” Who the fuck does 610 think he is?