Adweek – We all know the Super Bowl is more than touchdowns and chicken wings. It’s a gladiatorial combat between cities, egos and maximum-strength team personalities. Draftfcb teamed with Likester to determine what Giants and Patriots fans stand for right now, in real time. Likester tracks what Facebook “likes” are associated with different Facebook pages. Given the popularity of “liking,” it allows us to analyze data on more than 10,000 associations between fans of the two teams, and shows other Facebook items they like. From this we can build a highly representative profile of each category of fan.The fan profiles that emerge promise drama. We expect to see a battle of super proportions between the Flippant Pranksters and the Pompous Braggarts. Why are Giants fans pranksters? They’re big kids who root for Bernie Mac and read Dr. Seuss, and while they’re not opposed to flash—think Ari Gold and Mercedes-Benz—they find pretension grating. That’s why Giants lovers want down-to-earth cuties like Ellen Page and would feel blessed to live in sweats at a burger joint. Meanwhile, as ambitious hero worshipers, Patriots fans are desperate for bragging rights. Their can-do attitude—soaking up advice from entrepreneurs and fix-it gurus—and appreciation for the finer things in life render them classic followers of the American dream. Maybe that’s why they seek out classic but practical beauties—Mary Poppins or Eva Mendes will surely fit the bill.  Put them in their preppy finest, hand over a slice of pizza and an imported beer, and they’re ready to root.

Holy fuckin cow maybe Lucas Oil Stadium will collapse on Sunday and we won’t have to deal with any of these assholes. I mean the past two weeks I’ve spent explaining how a scenario like the Yankees vs. the Phillies is a worse situation for someone like me than a Giants Pats Super Bowl. Well maybe I was wrong. Because based on this ironclad statistical analysis both these fan bases are a bunch of fucking pricks.

Just look at the Giants fans. First of all, are all Giants fans black? Drinking Hennessy and watching the fucking Bernie Mac show pre gaming with Fabolous dressing in clothing from Champion? Make no mistake about it – that is the blackest profile I’ve ever read. You might as well top it off with some fried chicken, watermelon and purple drank. And the other half of Giants fans seem to just be white assholes watching Entourage and reading Tucker Max. Is there anything douchier than that? For sure not.

And then we’ve got the Pats fans. If I had to describe Pats fans, I’d say they’re a bunch of white trash pretentious sell outs who forgot where they came from desperately clutching to the successes of the past. Well according to Ad Week, they’re just the white trash part. Driving around in their “joy ride” Chevrolets hitting up the Olive Garden. Can’t wait to go to a Super Bowl party in New England with all that Tombstone pizza floating around. Hey whats for dessert? Three Musketeers? Oh. Great. Assholes. Can’t wait for some Rescue Me.

Why don’t all you flippant pranksters and all you pompous braggarts just watching the Lion King and sing some Mary Poppins and call it a day. Dicks.

PS – There’s like 3 Sonic’s in the entire Tri State area in the middle of nowhere New Jersey.