Independent UK – Men who watch more than 20 hours of television a week risk halving their sperm count, researchers warn. A sedentary lifestyle can have a major impact on a man’s ability to reproduce, the research found. And while regular, vigorous exercise was shown to boost sperm count, excessive television-watching can counteract the positive effects of physical activity. The study, published by the British Journal of Sports Medicine, looked at the lifestyles of 189 healthy men between the ages of 18 and 22, over a three-month period, to establish a link between environmental factors and semen quality. It found an increasingly idle lifestyle might be a contributing factor to declining sperm levels. Other factors assessed included medical or reproductive health problems, diet, stress levels and smoking. Men who watched more than 20 hours of television a week had a sperm count 44 per cent lower than those who watched the least, it found. Volunteers who were most physically active, doing more than 15 hours of exercise a week, had a 73 per cent higher sperm count than the least physically active. However, men who did regular exercise but also watched a lot of TV recorded lower sperm counts.

Welp, looks like my semen can swim about as well as black kids in the hood. I probably clock upwards of 20 hours in a single day. My TV is on from 9 to about midnight and I rarely leave the house. If an idle lifestyle of 20+ hours of TV a week, no exercise, and excessive drinking kills your sperm I might as well just neuter myself, because my balls are officially useless. When I nut I’m basically just shooting out hair conditioner at this point. Useless white goo that couldn’t impregnate the most Fertile Crescent on the planet.

But what do I fucking care? My cum sucks, so what? You think I wanna have awesome cum? For sure not. Just ask Antonio Cromartie or Travis Henry or something. Those guys fucking hate their Super Sperm. If they could trade ballsacks for my lazy, underachieving jizz they would do it in a heartbeat. Bottom line is you really only want your semen to swim to the finish line like 3 or 4 times your entire life. Pop out a couple intentional kids and other than that you want the goalie blocking your shot every single other time. I’d rather have low quality semen and have to cross my fingers to knock a bitch up than have mutant cum and have to dodge pregnancy bullets my whole life. Forget condoms and forget the Pill, the best birth control is being lazy and drunk and loving television.

“Make sure you pull out!” “Its ok baby I watch Francesa every single day from 1 to 6 and I drink 30 beers a weekend. You got nothin to worry about.”