MSN – Bad news, husbands. Although you may consider yourself to be your wife’s most exciting sex partner, chances are the honor actually lies with one of her ex-lovers. A recent study from iVillage found that less than half of married women describe their husband as their best sex ever. Fifty-two percent of those surveyed said an ex was better in bed than their current spouse. Sound dismal? That’s not the worst of it. The website surveyed 2,000 married women with a 60/40 split of those with and without children. If the lackluster sex isn’t bad enough, the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse. Some might describe their sex lives as stale, but according to the survey, married women are quite content with this boring bedroom behavior. ”The iVillage study shows that not all housewives are desperate – surprisingly they are quite content and fulfilled with their predictable sex lives,” said editor Liz Zack in a press release. “Perhaps that’s because sex is not a priority when it comes to personal time. Today’s married women lead such busy lives that they consider rest and relaxation a better self indulgence.”
Other studies show that 100% of husbands don’t give a fuck. Oh I’m not as good in bed as the Spanish lover you fucked when you studied abroad? No fucking kidding! We’re married! Your whipped ex-boyfriend who went down on your for hours? Good for him. Don’t care. Being good in bed stopped being important right around the same time being able to bench press a lot stopped being important. I remember being young and seeing kids do that trick where they unwrap a Starburst with their mouth. I fucking sucked at that. Just basically ended up eating a Starburst with the wrapper on it. Some chick or some guy would pull out the wrapper all cocky and I was like “Oh fuck I’m gonna suck at sex!” Then I realized that A) If you used the same technique during sex as you did when unwrapping a Starburst wrapper, you’d basically be chomping on some girls clit. And B) I’m always fucking great in bed as far as my dick is concerned. So Starburst wrapper or not, sex is always gonna be satisfying for me.
And lets not act like this is a one way street. You think the majority of husbands out there who have fat old nagging wives are satisfied in the sack? I mean when it comes to “watching a movie” or “taking a nap” I’d say roughly 100% of husbands would rather do those things than have sex with their annoying wives.
Now all that being said, its definitely not something you wanna have confirmed by your girlfriend or wife. 2 questions you never wanna now the answer to but you always wanna know the answer to is 1) whos the biggest you’ve ever had? and 2) how many have you had? You don’t wanna hear the answer to that. If you were the biggest she ever had, she probably would have told you by now. And no matter what number she throws out there, you’re not gonna be happy. If she says 1, you’ll wish she fucked half a guy. If she says zero, you’ll ask how many handjobs she’s given. You’ll never be happy with knowing the truth. Just have some mediocre sex that leaves everyone unsatisfied and call it a day.