(CNN) -- I will be as thrilled — or disappointed — by the results of the presidential election as the next guy. But I have to caution you against letting your emotions get too carried away by the election results — especially if you are a man. It could be bad for your health. To put it bluntly: being on a losing team can be deadly. I had been a psychiatrist studying the effects of emotion on health for many years before I discovered this incredible fact. I knew all about the myriad studies in animals and humans that show that losing in personal confrontations can negatively impact health. But I had no idea how far the dangers of losing reached. Does it seem preposterous that supporting the losing side of a presidential election could be dangerous for your health? Ask yourself whether you care as much about the election results as you do about your favorite sports team. If you do, then I want to suggest you are in some danger. Study after study shows that death rates spike in cities that lose important sporting events. Most of the deaths are from sudden heart attacks and related cardiovascular events, suggesting that people get so upset when their side loses that it literally breaks their hearts.
If you’re dealing with a loss — be it a candidate or a sports team — here are some coping tips:
1. Be proactive. Don’t let yourself stay in a an emotional place dominated by feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness. Get involved in another activity or cause you care about.
2. Take a break. Tune out — or turn off — the news and other sources of information that may make you feel worse right now.
3. Talk about your feelings. Discuss with those who share your sadness — or those who take an opposite view.
Welp I might as well draw up my will and make some funeral arrangements because I’m a dead man walking. If rooting for losers is deadly its a motherfuckin medical miracle I’m still alive. The Jets game against Miami two weeks ago alone was probably enough to kill a man. The Mets collapse in 2007 was enough to kill the entire fan base. People are always trying to rag on the Mets and Jets for attendance issues and shit because on any given night their building is half full. Well really when you think about it, thats pretty impressive. Because chances are half the fan base is probably fucking dead. I’m tellin you one day the entire Mets/Jets fan base is just gonna flat out disappear. Just all drop dead together in the confines of Citi Field or something. Historians will study the empty stadiums and be like “It appears some sort of masochistic cult used to frequently come here and perform painful rituals and then one day they all just mysteriously vanished.”
Oh and thanks for that 3 step process on how to handle my depression. Like I’ve never tried those steps. Get involved with another activity? I watch more television than there are hours in a day to try to avoid my losing teams. Take a break? I stage full blown boycotts of the Mets when they reach certain lows. Talk about my feelings? I fucking blog all the hate in my heart out to the internet. None of this shit works. Being a Mets and Jets fan is like being gay – its not a choice and you can’t change. You’re just born with some inherent loser characteristics and no matter what you try to do to change, deep down you’re always a loser.
Might as well just kill yourself.