The String Bikini – One of the most popular swimwear styles on the market happens to be the one with the least amount of fabric. But what do men really think of the skimpy suit? Seventy-four percent were fans of the triangles-and-string ensemble, while 26 percent thought it looked too revealing and left little to the imagination.
The Standard 2 Piece – Guys’ most favored suit was the basic two-piece bikini. A bit more material — while still showcasing some serious skin — meant a whopping 93 percent approval rating among men (and several said the look most closely resembled women in bras and panties…). Only 7 percent didn’t like the cut.
The Bandeau Top – Another option men and women can agree on is the strapless two-piece suit that harkens back to Roman times — when women’s breasts were wrapped in garments during sporting events and at baths. Maybe it’s the historical significance of the fashion statement that got 89 percent of men to approve and only 11 percent to not like it.
The Monokini - Women wanting to make a statement on the beach may opt for the monokini — a one-piece suit in which the sides are completely cut out, giving the appearance of a bikini, with the top and bottom sections connected by a thin strip of material. Guys, however, prefer to opt out. Only 22 percent liked the look. The most common response of the 78 percent who hated it? “I don’t get it.”
The Tankini - Introduced in the late ’90s, the tankini grew in popularity because of its combination of the modesty of a one-piece with the convenience and style of a two-piece. The look got mixed reviews from the guys surveyed. 53 percent liked the look, while 47 percent didn’t. A few even compared the concept as being synonymous to men wearing T-shirts in the pool.
The One Piece - Few women sport one-pieces despite the traditional swimwear’s resurgence on the runway — and despite the fact that the majority of men like them. In fact, 65 percent prefer the look, as opposed to only 35 percent who don’t. The only rule? Some men said they like the style as long as it’s still sexy and doesn’t look like the woman is trying out for the Olympic swim team.
Ah, bathing suits. Socially acceptable womens underwear allowed to be worn in public. From the SI Swimsuit Issue to Bo Derek to the bitch in Fast Times At Ridgemont High, chicks in bathing suits have always been PG-13 masturbation material. Lets go through the styles:
1. The String Bikini – The 26% of dudes who say that “it doesnt leave enough to the imagination” are a bunch of gays. I’ve never understood that argument. You can go ahead and play pretend and imagine what it looks like if she wasn’t covering up so much. I’ll be the straight dude who likes looking at the almost naked broad.
2. The standard 2 piece – Louis Réard. Know the name. Dude invented the modern day bikini in 1946, and he deserves serious props for that. You know what chicks used to swim in:
Until my man Louis came around and told bitches to start swimming in their bras and underwear. Good lookin out dude.
The Bandeau Top – I am not a fan of the tube top look. Not a fan at all. Whether its a band bikini top or a strapless dress, the tube top look always smushes boobs down. Its all tight around the top of the tits and then they are squeezing out the bottom. Its like when you squeeze one side of a balloon and all the air bulges out on the other side. Too much smushing.
4. The Monokini – Unless you are at Rehab or another Vegas pool party, you should not be wearing these. If you wear one of these porn star one pieces to the country club, you are an asshole.
5. The Tankini – These are for the chicks who aren’t fat enough for a one piece but aren’t confident enough in their stomachs to wear a bikini. And while I appreciate your self awareness, the fact that you are basically wearing a shirt to go swimming only draws more attention to your stomach. So either way it doesn’t really work.
6. The one piece – If you’re under the age of 30, you shouldnt be wearing a one piece. Unless of course your fat. But that goes without saying. Bottom line, you’re either old, fat or an Olympic swimmer if you rock a one piece. Not a good look. Unless its red and the hips are cut super super high, a la Kelly Kapowski at Malibu Sands or Pamela Anderson on Baywatch in the 90s.