STOCKHOLM, Sweden, May 11 (UPI) – A Swedish pharmacy chain said its survey indicates one in three women in the country have declined sex due to fears of flatulence during the act. Pharmacy chain Kronan said the survey, carried out by research company Novus, indicates about one in three Swedish women have passed up intercourse because their stomachs indicated gas release was on the horizon, The Local reported Friday. The company said only about one in six men had said no to sex as a result of flatulence concerns. However, the survey found half of respondents of both sexes said they had no problem passing gas in front of a significant other.
I am by no means one of those dudes that wears his farts on his sleeve and thinks its funny to rip ass and dutch oven without any shame. I try to keep that shit in no matter what. If there’s sex on the horizon, be it a girlfriend or a random girl, I will plan my meals around my fart history. No Mexican dinner. No cheesesteaks. Avoid cheap beer at all costs. I’ll do whatever I can do avoid farting during sex.
Except not having sex. That is not an option. Are these people fucking crazy? Not have the sex because you’re afraid of farting during the sex? Fucking cowards! Whats Gretzky’s famous quote - you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take? Well if you’re afraid she won’t have sex with you again because you farted to the point that you don’t fuck her at all, well then you may never end up having any sex with her ever. Clench your cheeks. Try new positions. If you let one rip get kinky and choke her so she cant breath in that stench. Do whatever you gotta do. But don’t you dare just pass on the sex all together.
I guess things are different for chicks. Dudes can get away with that move a lot easier than girls. But I guarantee if that “one out of every three women” who turns down sex asked their date which they would prefer, the guy she’s with is 100% saying “Let her rip!” If a guy is faced with the prospect of being shot down for sex or banging a fart factory, I promise you he’s picking the sex. I don’t care if my balls are flapping in the wind from your butt breeze, because if we’ve made it that far that means my dick is inside you and thats really all that matters. Plus if its SBD the guy would probably just automatically assume it was him and you’re in the clear. Ladies – the point being don’t ever not have sex because of farting. A good rule of thumb is that more often than not, a guy will not care what happens once his penis is inside you.