Fuckin Spiderman! Absolutely classic. Who would have thought that stupid hill in centerfield at Minute Maid Park would have ever come in so handy? I used to think that was the stupidest thing in any ballpark ever. Dude climbed all the way to the top of the goddam stadium and just disappeared. Vanished like Keyser Soze.

Word on the street is he got arrested all the way out in the parking lot. Fuck that. Reaching the parking lot after streaking should be like crossing the border into Mexico. Stadium cops should have no jurisdiction out there.