The Black Unicorn Was Kingpin Of A 2nd-Grade Ice Cream Gang
NY Times - Martellus Bennett’s enterprising spirit has early roots. In second grade, he says, he formed a gang that dabbled in black-market toy distribution — “we would jump kids and take their toys and sell them” — but was focused on relieving the ice cream man of his wares. The plan, as concocted by Bennett, was simple: “I would take a dollar and go to the ice cream truck. I would tell a few kids to bang on the other side of the truck. The ice cream guy would turn around and look out that side, then the rest of the kids would run in on this side and grab all the ice cream. When he turned back, I’d still be standing there with my dollar and be like, ‘They went that way!’ It worked every time.” The memory makes Bennett smile — until he is asked the name of the gang. “We were the Ocean View Gangsters,” he says quietly, sending his wife into hysterical fits of laughter. “Ocean View? Ocean View?” she says, struggling to catch her breath. Bennett looks sheepish. “O.K., the name wasn’t the best,” he says.
Sticking up kids in the hood for their Pogs/Pokemon and masterminding regular ice cream heists while staring Mr. Softee right in the face is exactly what I’d have guessed if ever asked what I thought Martellus Bennett was up to at 8 years old. Seriously, what’s not to like about this guy? Most pro athletes don’t have such personalities. Those that do come off so forced it’s annoying (I’m looking at you, Brian Wilson). But New York’s been falling in love with the Black Unicorn since he got here, and his legend is growing with every game he plays.
His 80/1000/16 pace puts him right up there with the Gronks & Grahams. Sure, it’s obviously just 3 games, but what makes you think he’ll slow down? Bennett’s always been a great blocking TE, and if you block for Coughlin, you play. If you play with Eli, he finds you. Manning made a bit of a name for an undrafted Jake Ballard after doing so for Kevin Boss. The Unicorn’s pedigree is much better than both of them and, flanked by arguably the best WR duo in the NFL with #10 in his prime, the sky’s the limit now that he’s outside Witten’s shadow in Dallas. Thanks, Jerry Jones. Dude’s been destined for greatness ever since the days of looting Bomb Pops & Chipwiches in bulk. I’m just glad it’s the G-Men he’s taking with him on his awesomely zany ascension.


Comparing Bennett to Gronk in the same paragraph is like comparing Neil to Mr. Pulitzer if that makes any sense.
I’m with ya 610, nothing you can’t like about Big Dumb Bennett.
pats fans need to stop riding gronks dick like bibi jones. yeah hes good bro, but last i checked he ain’t playin 22 positions at the same time.
How do I go about gettin an Ocean View Gangsters tshirt?
Let me guess, 610 is another Black Blogger? For fucks sake pres, you’re turning this site into the blackstar or whatever that fucking site is. And Darkknight, smokealot was right, don’t mention Bennett’s name with Gronks. He was just stating a fact, Gronk is the best TE in the NFL bar none. Now go fuck your mother
After another great performance from The Black Unicorn last night, you decide to just to write a article about him. Clearly none of you @NYCbarstool read the email i sent you regarding The Black Unicorn T-shirt contest. That being said let me repeat myself. ITS TIME FOR A FUCKING BLACK UNICORN T-SHIRT…..that is all.
Another gang banger with speed. I’d like to fuck up both of his knees with an axe. Not to worry though. 10 seconds after he is done in the NFL he’ll be bankrupt, arrested and can’t make bail and ultimately homeless/incarcerated.
Big Dumb Bennett mofo’s!